Success Paradigms 101

Now you can get the wisdom of the blogs in a book format. Success Paradigms 101 is out. Thank you to the blog audience that helped make this book a reality. Visit www.pastortichonsuccess.com or www.success101.co.za or any of your favorite online book retailers and you can get it in kindle, format, e-book format, Nook book format, hardback and paperback.

Even you can succeed

Thank you so much for your help 

My big brother 'Average'

Below is a little excerpt of the book Success Paradigms 101 that I have just completed publishing and is ready for you to read. Have a look and see what you will enjoy when you purchase a copy. This is a perfect gift for your loved ones that will help them prepare for 2013. This is a timely book you can order a copy from https://www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=303624 or from me at www.success101.co.za and get a signed copy. As a follower of my blogs I am grateful to so many of you that encouraged me to write a book. Well I did with you help now lets read the book.

My Big Brother ‘Average’

I never cease to be amazed at the number of people I meet that have settled for an average life. Average has been made to be the standard. When one succeeds in their village (or a single area of specialisation), they feel like a world champion and cease to pursue bigger dreams, as if there is an intrinsic fear inside that prohibits them from stepping out of the comfort zone of the backyard. The mother throwing the small chick out of the nest of comfort births a bird’s ability to fly. Otherwise, the chick can easily settle for an average life in the nest – fed by the mother, never to discover the purpose of the feathered tools beside his body. When the mother pushes the chick away, it may appear cruel and heartless; however, it marks the beginning of the end to average.

David had older (and bigger) brothers that had settled into an average existence in the nation as members of an average army. The brothers pretended to be brave and strong towards yet they were cowardly and timid. The Bible says the Israeli army was ‘sore afraid’ (1 Sam. 17: 24). David’s brothers had settled into the army format, and they were comfortable with fighting without ambition. On the contrary, you need to make your mark on earth before you log out. We need to feel your existence in this planet. You were born for reason. Conformity is one of humanity’s greatest scourges – we all want to conform, fit in, and be acceptable (instead of profitable). Seemingly, on entering this world, life hands us a uniform printed at the back ‘My big brother is average’. This causes us to imagine only what we have seen and experienced and we settle for a life of conformity.

David’s brothers had settled into the army format and they were comfortable with fighting without ambition

Generally, in families, big brothers set the trend of what the family does. They dictate how far we can go in life. They define the boundaries. In this instance, big brothers are the things that teach us about life and how to handle the challenges that come into our lives. They become the stewards of the current reality that we live in. They tell us what is in the big city and how life in the big city is bad. But that is their experience, that is what they saw and they expect that we will also fit into that mould. I will deal with the big brother syndrome in greater detail later in the book.

Order you copy right now, you will be blessed.

Faith WORKS by LOVE

Hi I really felt the Lord speak strongly to me about this blog so I have allowed it to be longer than my unusual writings I encourage you to read this and share it with anyone you know who is going through some chronic problems. This will help them to walk out into a new place in the Lord.

Faith WORKS by LOVE

Another way to say the above phrase is LOVE WORKS. When agape (the unconditional love of God) love is at work in your life you will win all the time. Faith is the vehicle that helps you get stuff done in Gods realm and love is the fuel. We have a lot of believers that cannot walk in victory because they are not walking in love. The enemy goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour’ and we need to resist him steadfast in the faith. In other words you position in God and in His Word is your guarantee for victory over this guy who is like a roaring lion seeking to devour you. You need to make a decision whether you want to win or not, if the enemy can make you feel justified in your decision to not walk in love he will win over you.

Love covers a multitude of sins and if you chose to walk in love there will be no occasion for offense in your heart and your faith will work and get the desired results. The devil has deceived many people to thinking that church is a place where perfect people are waiting to go to heaven and when they discover that this is not true offense comes in and we fail to walk in love. The truth is church is a place where people with many weaknesses gather to be perfected by the ministry of the Word and of the Holy Spirit. He gave gifts unto men (Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors and Teachers) to work on the saints and equip them to be more like Christ in their conduct and lifestyle.

So church is not full of hypocrites like many have been made to believe it is made of it is made up of people whose sins have been forgiven and washed in the blood. So spiritually they are perfect and look like Jesus but naturally they are still dealing with the flesh that wants to do its own thing. Even Paul said there is a war in my members after the renewed man I want to do the right thing but the flesh wants to do something contrary. Was Paul a hypocrite? No he was human he was seeking to serve God and be a blessing to the nations just like you. Hebrews 12:12-24 brings out some interesting truth. The Holy Spirit through the Apostle Paul begins by advising us to strengthen the weak to make sure the body is strong then in verse 14 he exhorts us to “pursue peace with ALL people” and to live holy lives and warns that without these you will not see the Lord.

Then he warns us again on the state of our hearts towards each other, he says make sure you do not fall short of the grace of God by allowing bitterness to grow in your heart like a root that will blossom into a tree of death. Later in the chapter he tells us that we have come to Mount Zion the mountain of God the church and general assembly of the firstborn. He says these people are registered in heaven (citizens) spirits of just men that have been made perfect. Now this is deep, what he is saying is that your brother or sister that you are holding that grudge against is a just spirit whose name is registered in heaven. God loves him and accepts him as he is though he expects him to renew his mind and live a transformed life.

If God considers him just and has registered him as a citizen of Zion then what right do you have to be bitter against one that is forgiven. That is why we are encouraged to forgive even as God for Christ sake has forgiven you. If you don’t forgive other neither will you be forgiven. It’s not worth holding onto that thing, let it go forgive that person and you will be free. Faith works by love and love covers a multitude of sins. Notice verse 24 he mentions that Christ is the mediator of the new covenants and the blood sprinkled in this covenant totally deals with the sin issue. The blood that speaks of better terms and conditions than the blood of Able seals this covenant.

So lets go back to the beginning and see what that blood spoke about and what happened for the mess we are in to be this way.

          Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD.” And again, she bore his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

          Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?” And the LORD said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground. And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.”

           

(Genesis 4:1-12 ESV)

Notice that the offence or the problem started in church during offering time, the brothers were giving to the Lord and one made a mistake in his offering and became angry with his brother for pleasing God with his offering. Having been a Pastor for many years I have come to learn that people in church are at different levels of maturity. Some get offended at the way someone looks at them. The way she is looking at me says that I do not have money or they are despising me because I have no car or my hairstyle is old. Why are the rich people always closer to the pastor? How do you know they are rich or are thinking bad about you?

Cain and Able were brothers in every sense of the word but offense came in and destroyed the relationship. Did you notice what God said to Cain when the root of offense was still small. Why are you angry if you do well your offering will be accepted but if you don’t deal with this thing it will destroy you because sin is crouching at the door and its desire is for you and you must rule it. What God is saying here is so powerful, he is telling Cain and all mankind that when offence waits for you at the door it is out to kill you but you can rule it because I gave you that authority in Genesis 1:28 when I blessed you. Its up to you whether sin will overcome you on not, you are its master. Unfortunately He did not take heed to Gods words like many believers today, sin overpowered him and he killed his brother and the blood that was shed cried out for revenge and justice. The result was that Cain was separated and became a fugitive and the ground lost its ability to produce a full harvest, to get the same return on investment man had to work harder.

Do you realize that your failure to walk in love is hindering your progress, you tithing, offering, praying and serving God is not bringing to you the correct return on investment that it should because the root of bitterness like thorns and thistles in your garden choke your crop so it is with your walk with God. Ask yourself is it worth it holding onto this grudge you cost benefit analysis will tell you that you are holding onto something that has diminishing returns so sooner or later like Cain you will want to kill that person in fact holding onto the unforgiveness is equivalent wanting that person dead. That’s why the bible calls you a murderer if you hate your brother (1^st John 3:15)

Let go of the resentment, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred and malice that you are holding against your brother. Seek reconciliation and let God heal you, as much as lieth in you be at peace with all men. Read Romans 12:18-21 it will help you there are instruction on how to deal with this plague. Finally as an encouragement it has been proved that a lot of diseases are sponsored by offense and unforgiveness if you are able to deal with this you will overcome the devil and not be overcome. Listed below is a list of some of the diseases you will overcome.

High blood pressure

Migraine headaches

Stress

Chronic fatigue

Heart attacks

Heart failure and other heart diseases

Arthritis

Muscle and bone diseases

Chronic pain

Cancer

Depression

The list goes on and on. Research shows that unforgiveness results in stress in your body and when your body is in stress it produces a chemical called cortisol, which is a stress hormone behind a lot of the disease and dysfunction in the human body. The human body was never designed to carry unforgiveness we are made in the image and like ness of God and as such we should walk in love as God does. In fact they have also proved that forgiveness will boost your immune system. Over an extended period of time when one harbors bitterness and unforgiveness the production of cortisol will affect your heart and blood vessels thicken and restrict the flow of blood and headaches come in damage to the brain results and when your heart is weak and your brain is stressed all the other diseases come in. medically they have begun what they call forgiveness training where they train someone facing chronic or terminal disease to forgive and let go of their offenders and there has been wonderful results. 

The church has known this all along from Genesis 4 God told Cain when his countenance fell and anger set in that sin was waiting by the door and he had to master it (rule over it) failure to do so opened the door to mans life and disease became a normal part of life. When I was in high school I had four major problems 1. I was depressed and attempted to commit suicide about three times. 2. I was asthmatic and could not do physical sport. 3. I had migraine head aches that would affect my studying. 4. I was not as sharp as I should have been. The solution came when I came into a love relationship with Christ and I was able to forgive my father who at the time when I was in school was filing for divorce. My mother had looked like a victim of a bad marriage’ and she was but I became so angry that my father would do this to my mother that I was unforgiving for years.

The asthma left immediately the migraines disappeared the chronic depression left I have been joyful for 22 years.  My eyes were healed I stopped wearing spectacles and guess what my mind became so creative I have birthed some amazing things in my short lifetime. I have written so many resources that are helping people. I have authored a book and I have five books waiting to be published. This is all because I was able to forgive and move on.

What are you missing out on in life because you will not forgive, if doctors can coach patients to forgive and receive healing how much more the children of God? Look at this excerpt from an article I read by Dr. Bernie Seigel.

“I have collected 57 extremely well documented so-called cancer miracles. At a certain particular moment in time they decided that the anger and the depression were probably not the best way to go, since they had such little time left. And so they went from that to being loving, caring, no longer angry, no longer depressed, and able to talk to the people they loved. These 57 people had the same pattern. They gave up, totally, their anger, and they gave up, totally, their depression, by specifically a decision to do so. And at that point the tumors started to shrink.”

[Yale Medical School] 

The curse that came on Cain was reduced productivity of the land’ what would happen if you decided to walk in love? Your marriage, you job, career, business ministry or body would begin to yield more

A new study from Duke University Medical Center demonstrates that those who forgive others experience lower levels of chronic pain and less associated psychological problems like anger and depression than those who have not forgiven.

My Story Pastor

Interesting perspective

I could not have said this better than sister anonymous; her experience is such a great lesson for many young adults. Read learn and let me know what you think.

In response to " Are Christian guys boring to date"

Not at all. It’s been over a year that I’ve given my life to Christ and have made a few Christian friends and dated one.

Coming from the world and being a single mother it was very refreshing to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t require sex as part of the relationship.

I felt so loved and it amazed me how someone could genuinely display love without the physical element.

To me it was a little bit difficult in the beginning as I had my unbeliever mentality in terms of if I’m in a relationship sex is part of the package.

I appreciate what the brother did; he was very strict, as he had never had sexual intercourse before. He knew exactly where to draw the line and told me when to back off when it seemed i was getting too comfortable.

It was obvious that he was physically attracted to me however he didn’t need to show it physically by kissing or caressing it, I just felt it.

Being with a Christian brother is peaceful, if he is in a good church and serving God faithfully it automatically overflows into the relationship. He is faithful to u, accountable to you and caring.

I realized that he loved me so much that he wouldn’t sleep with me because he was protecting us and our separate relationships with God.

This is a great testimony. Many Christian ladies think they are missing out when they get a decent saved man who is not out to touch and taste. Hollywood told us that we are boring. I have a similar testimony the two ladies I dated before I met my wife told me I was boring and maybe I was in that I was always preaching praying and healing the sick because that’s what I saw in the Bible. I was so spiritual ladies in church used to say that if you marry brother Tich he will take you to a conference for your honeymoon. Well I did not see much wrong with that and I nearly did it.

But boring meant that I was not sexually oriented. Does that mean my body did not want to have sex with them? No not at all I just had values that I could not violate.

Let me know your story and we can share it.

Christians are boring to date?

Lets talk dating, courting, kissing and sex

Hey thank you for the responses sent on the blogs let me address some of the things that have come up as questions. I need to be clear to you that the Word of God is the best foundation for building your life. I have seen so many people hurting and going through so much pain because they never took heed to the Word of God. Let it be clear in you mind Hollywood does not love you; they did not die for you all they want is your money and your soul to go to hell. They ensure they depress enough people to sell anti depressants to and enough people with HIV to sell ARV’s enough divorces to say marriage does not work try our option of alternate lifestyles, the list goes on.

On the other hand God loves you so much He sent Jesus to die for you and paid the ultimate love price to show that His intentions are not malicious. The irony is that we believe the lie and reject truth, thinking God is trying to take away our fun in life. Anyway enough of that lets look at some responses.

“I am a young man who has found his other rib and has paid the bride price... me and my fiancée we have had our sexual moments and we both agreed to hold that till we get married now my challenge is how do I show her I love her without kissing her and ending up having sex... I have heard ladies saying that church guys are of no fun so please help me I don’t want to break our agreement of not having sex until we get married but now how do I make her feel loved?”

This is a big question in the minds of many young people and the answer is simple enough. For a guy showing me that you love me is give me sex and we often make the mistake of thinking that women think the same way. Sex to a woman is an expression of the closeness that you share particularly when the woman feels she can open up to you and be vulnerable. I was shocked when I got married and discovered that sex does not translate to love in my wife’s head. At this moment if you keep the promise you made to her you might communicate to her that you do live and value her more than any other act.

Secondly it is Hollywood that has painted the picture that the ideal “exciting relationship” is the one where every date ends up with the two of you tearing of your clothing and biting each other and you end up making love in the car, bed or some other strange place. This works in marriage but non-committal relationships leave you with a bad taste and guilt and heartache.

I highly recommend that courting couples avoid doing things that get your sexual gears going like touching, petting, caressing, smooching and extended high pressure hugs. Now if after you read this you say wow that has taken away all the fun things we can do then you are boring and your creativity is below sea level. There is more to love and marriage than sex, when you get married you will get very stuck and sex will have lost value to you. If the sexual pressure is high then set an earlier wedding date and get out of the danger zone. Sex kills creativity and proper discovery of each other as this will now cause you to be motivated to be together only for sex.

Remember you motivation is love for each other not that you are afraid of going to hell. I had opportunity to have sexual intercourse with my girlfriend then but the thought of messing up her life and value system and the thoughts that she would think that I just want her body not her helped me make some decisions that helped me. In counseling couples that have had sex before marriage and are about to get married we often say to the guy you need to apologize to your girlfriend because as the head you are supposed to protect her and by doing this you have violated trust and you need to build a strong trust foundation before she can totally open up to you without the same feeling of being taken for a ride. She goes through the relationship thinking, “I am just a pair of bums, thighs and breasts and I am a vagina. I am not a person but a toy to give him entertainment.” I had something to look forward to at our honeymoon and that made everything that much more special. Though I had a lot to learn I was so ignorant but that’s a topic for another day.

You need to talk to each other a define fun according to you and the Word of God. There is a reason why God said flee fornication and there are benefits. Its always a bit sad when we marry couples that have been doing it as there is no excitement to say “wow I am going to discover something new” its more like “well been there done that, got the empty condom packet to prove it”. A honeymoon should be filled with anticipation and anxiety, oh wow what will he think? What will I do? How will she respond? Too many times we have too much experience. This is one area where your CV should say no experience in this area.

Hope my language is not too strong for you if it is its ok we all need a shake up once in a while, but this is how we are in the young adults couch. Speaking the truth in love.

My second response is to a young lady with the following question.

Good evening Sir

Thank you for a lovely blog, it’s blessed me a lot.

Firstly can we define what courtship is?

As a sister, you are at a point in your life when you looking to settle down so you meet a lot of brothers and after getting to know them, u have an idea of who you would like to continue with from the circle of friends.

As a lady, I like to define everything in my life, so since dating isn’t really seen in the Christian society, there’s a gentleman whom I’m interested in and he is interested in me but we aren’t dating, we just friends so there’s not really any commitment towards us.

And then you find that this gentleman is going around having dates with other ladies as he is free to do so because the two of you are just friends.

It usually leaves a lady in a position where she is hurt.

Are there different stages between courting and engagement?

Wow this is deep my sister let me me begin by saying thank you for the comment about the blogs, its always good to know someone is being ministered to.

To answer you let me begin by defining courtship. This is the process of focusing your attention on a particular person and investing time in the relationship with the intent of establishing a meaningful marriage relationship.

In other words you find some one you have a keen interest in and you want to establish a relationship that will lead to marriage. You are not experimenting you are focused because he/she meets your requirements list and you feel confident that God is happy with your choice. This is not the stage of investigating basic info. Is he seeing someone else, is he a visionary person? Does he have a trustworthy character etc. this should have been done way before you even begin to settle on making room for him in your life.

Many people ladies in particular wait until late to get the 411 (vital info) and by the time they get it they are already getting dizzy with love (infatuation) that they cannot think straight. I hear this a lot “Pastor I am confused this guy is like this and that I love him but…” think of it you only attend interviews to jobs that you are comfortable with because you research on the company that’s about to hire you. Why not use the same sense when it comes to a lifetime commitment?

To avoid getting hurt control your hormones and emotions by speaking to them and keeping your head then when your info is clear let him into your space slowly, this is heart and emotion space not body space. This leads to the courtship, which again should be, build on trust and accountability. I tell my daughters don’t trust a guy who is not accountable and submitted somewhere, he will play you, hurt you chew you and spit you out and you are left to clean the sticky mess. Value yourself and carry yourself in a way that will make him value you. After all you are worth it, have you seen how beautiful you are?

As the courtship stage matures he should begin to take the relationship seriously and should introduce you to key people that will evaluate you and see where the two of you are headed and that’s about the time that he should ask you to marry him and engagement etc. engagement is a point in time during the process of courtship that he clearly makes his intentions known to you and the key people in your lives. If during the process of courtship he is not focused he needs counseling or to be kicked out of your life. This will be a trait that you will deal with in the marriage if its not sorted at the beginning.

Is it true Christian guys are boring to date? what do you want them to do to you? What's you ideal experience?

Holy Word versus Hollywood

Choose yee this day

Holy Word versus Hollywood

There are a lot of words being spoken in the world today and all these words are endeavoring to be "truth" to us. What you choose to be your source of truth will determine the quality of life you will live. As a young adult you are under pressure to make decisions based on all these sources of truth.

Pilate asked one of the most powerful questions that can be asked today in John 18:38 and Pilate said "what is truth" after saying this he went back to the accusers and said "I see no fault in this man at all" wow. Let's deal with the first statement first, what is truth? This is a big question in our lives because we are constantly making decisions based on what we perceive to be truth. We all create our realities based on what we determine to be truth.

I want to zero this on the matter of relationships, as this is a key area in your life as a young adult. Hollywood has painted this amazing picture of the way relationships work. Boy meets girl the fall in love at first sight or there is a fight then they fall in love and when they do the lips find each other then they are glued to each other then hands tear of cloths and they make passionate love in ways that it can only be done by actors. You got to be paid to do that stuff it does not happen in real life that's why the divorce rate is high in Hollywood (or rather its low because there are few marriages)

The second statement is a confirmation, consolation and comfort that if you use Christ as the premise of truth in your life you will be safe. Pilate said "I find no fault in him AT ALL" (emphasis added) there is nothing wrong with this man he has no fault in his believes, values or what he represents. Wow what words to come from a man that was supposed to be an enemy. I have always wondered how they make that clicking sound when kissing in the movies I think I need lessons. Lol. But the truth is we are under the impression that what we see in movies is real and when we don't find it in our relationships we go shopping hoping to find it.

Using the Word of God as your foundation for building your relationship is the wisest thing you can do. In fact using any other source of "truth" has proved to be disastrous, marriage has been under severe attacks throughout history because the enemy has always known the power of good marriages. Right from the garden the devil attacked the first marriage and won that's why we have problems today.

There are so many substitutes to "truth" for your relationships let's look at what Hollywood says about the matter and compare it with the Holy Word of God.

Look at the list below and compare number 1 from Hollywood and number 1 from Holy Word etc and see where you stand.

Hollywood

1. Fall in love (you can fall out of love when things get difficult)

2. Date as many people to find your flavor (dating trains lack of commitment)

3. Touch, kiss, cuddle, caress "make love" to solidify the relationship

4. Be secretive about relationships

5. Sex is the foundation, what you get from your partner not what you give

Holy Word

1. Decide to be in love (deciding to be in love trains discipline even when things don't go well)

2. Courtship as a sign of commitment (courting trains commitment)

3. Flee fornication (sexual sin) as this causes the relationship to be strong

4. Be accountable about your relationship

5. Love is the foundation of the relationship, what you can give not what you can get.

These five comparisons on the different "truths" that are taught by Hollywood and the Holy Word help us to see how far apart these worlds are. Any Hollywood movie will teach the wrong perspective about relationships the choice is yours. Do you want a lasting fulfilling marriage or do you want a temporary empty thrill that ends in heartache?

Let's talk about this further you can respond on this blog or email me on pastortich@pwmi.co.za

What do you think about Hollywood’s version of love?

Hollywood love is lust built on infatuation not lasting love built on commitments and covenant. Infatuation is a word built of two words intense foolishness. If a relationship birthed from infatuation does not develop to the level of commitment it will always be a shallow one that does not last. Hence the high divorce rate even among Christians. If we take our advise from the wrong source then we are in trouble. If the foundations be destroyed what can the righteous do? Move your relationship to a place of commitment so that you can build a strong relationship.

Should I share my treasures?

FAQ’s for young adults couch

The article I posted yesterday has stirred up some interest in similar areas and it has led to me having to post this blog now to answer a burning question that has been asked a number of times. If you did not see the article I posted yesterday read it, it will help you.

Question.

Pastor what is wrong with giving my boyfriend before we get married, we are already engaged and he has paid and he is known to my family?

Answer

I remember just after I made an appearance at my in-laws and we were now half married we were told we could take our wife as we had followed the necessary protocol. I don’t know whether that was a trick question or they were serious. To tell the truth the temptation to agree and drive away on a honey moon was great but I had two challenges in fact three. One I was a Pastor and still am. Two my team consisted of an uncle and my big brother and some pastors. I could have convinced the first two that I am married but the pastors were not going to hear any nonsense and third I was scared I had not been given the flying instructions so I would not know what to do. So I gave up the offer and we said we are Christians and we had to get the blessing before God and so on. Inside I was thinking there are Pastors here they can bless us that it. Well you might be saying pastor you are supposed to be holy. Well I am very holy trust me but I want to illustrate to you that if you do not have safety measures around you, you will get into trouble.

The answer to the question is simple the only time God looks at a sexual union and blesses it is when it is between husband and wife in a marriage that has been blessed before God.

Question

Why are the rules so tough we love each other and we desire each other sexually?

Answer

The power of marriage is in the covenant that is made between the two of you and that covenant is held together by trust. The moment you indulge in sexual intimacy you violate the trust factor and sooner or later there will be a problem. Pleasure without reasonability is dangerous and it will lead to compromise in the trust factor of you relationship. The pursuit of the man id based on the promise of the pleasure and the covenant that you are building and when you give him he will wonder why its free and he will wonder who else is getting and when you try and convince him that hey you are the only one, because trust is already compromised there will be a problem.

I teach my children that God has given you some treasures and they know exactly where those treasure are (if you need help to know them call me) then I teach them the treasure were given to you by God to look after them well and one day when you get married you will be able to give them to you spouse. So we talk about hide you treasures, look after your treasures etc. now if you take the treasures and share them before Christmas day when Christmas comes the treasures have already been open and there is no excitement and anticipation. Honeymoon is just like well whats new?

Worse if you have shared your treasures with more than one person. Think of this picture we go for lunch and we a soda the waiter brings it to the table and its open and you say who opened it? The waiter points to this tall rough bearded man on another table and says well he did and after a few sips he decided he did not want it so he ordered something else, but its ok he only took a few sips most of it is still in there we will reduce the price in fact you can have it on the house. What would you do? That might be you last visit to that restaurant. My wife and I can share a soda without thinking in fact when we go for dinner she always takes food from me and I take her juice. No pun intended. But we have no problem with that, but if you came and said I left this juice for you I will….

If we are so strict about juice how can we be slack about our treasures? God is very strict about matters of purity he says flee fornication. In fact there are four interesting things he says we must flee from, fornication, youthful lusts, idolatry and the wrong relationship with money. We will talk about these another day. But to flee is a strong word, God used it deliberately because that’s what we need to do. A perfect picture is Joseph who fled and left his cloak. He had an opportunity to sleep with Potiphers wife and no one would have known. The Bible says she was casting her eye on him. Now its easy for a woman to resist that but for a man it’s a different story that is why I say ladies have mercy on the guy wait to unleash your sexual energy at the honey moon.

There is a law called the law of diminishing returns. The more you get the more you want. Just being together gets boring, so you hold hands, then that gets boring then you cuddle then that not enough then you start heavy petting then that has no thrill then… whops how did that happen. They say when hearts are connected lips want to meet and of course the rest is history so guard against that.

Let me close with a story in 2^nd Samuel 13. We find a number of characters that I want to introduce to you. Absolom the proud vengeful prince, Amnon the lustful selfish prince, Tamar the beautiful attractive naive virgin princess, Jonadab the sneaky advisor and cousin, David the father with poor judgment and no attention to his children and the servants. The Bible says Amnon loved his sister Tamar and the word used here is not agape the God kind of love no its “aheb” which means he loved her or “had sexual affection towards” notice what made hive love her more or lust after her was the fact that she was a virgin. There is nothing wrong with the two of you have sexual affection for each other in fact if its not there is something wrong but what takes over board is if it is not controlled and governed which is what Amnon failed to do. He made himself sick from his lust and got advise from Jonadab.

Ladies please note there is a Jonadab in every man and all the brothers be careful of Jonadab he advises you to do all the wrong things. He says you can handle, just watch a little bit, just touch a little bit you can handle it. There are people that are dead because of Jonadab including Amnon because he was eventuality killed by the proud vengeful prince Absolom for raping their sister.

Here are some thoughts to consider. Why did the father not read through the lie and allow his daughter to fall pray to a lustful young man? Where was the brother when the sister went to cook for the half brother? Surely he knew that Amnon had issues. Why did Tamar agree to go in after Amnon had sent the servants out of the house? Why did Amnon not want to follow the advise given by his sister to say marry me then all the treasures will be your?

Well these are serious questions what do you think?

Last question

How can I say no without hurting his feelings?

Answer

Well you just say no and leave

There is no way to say with out hurting his feelings either in his heart or in other places but if you hurt his heart and his feelings he will respect you. If you hurt yours by submitting to him you will be hurt for life and you will loose your dignity. Which is better?

Well you asked me some questions so allow me to as you some. What are the answers to these questions I have asked you?

FAQ’s for young adults couch

Young in a strange generation

As a young adult have you ever felt overwhelmed by the world around you the speed at which things move and change, the questions about careers, marriage, relationships, money and sex? Well if your answer was yes then you are not alone. Statistics have it that this is the most difficult time to be young when it comes to dealing with the complexities of life and weaving your way around the jungle of making the right decisions. Of course you don't have to deal with plagues and barbaric raiders and other weird things like that. The challenges you deal with are spiritual, emotional and intellectual to mention a few.

You have to keep up with a fast paced world that redefines itself as fast as you can send an email across the globe. You can easily get caught up with the razzle and dazzle of this world that you forget about the principles that govern life. Homosexuality, lesbianism, immorality, corruption, greed, violence and so many other issues are plaguing us on every medium possible. As a young man growing up and aspiring to be a good husband one day the easy access to pornography and other illicit x-rated material does not make your choices any easier, as a young lady wanting to get ahead in your career and still have a great family you are faced with the continual pressures to compromise your values and personal value in order to get ahead.

How can I navigate this world full of landmines without blowing my integrity and loosing my virginity? How can I succeed without taking the shortcuts that others are taking?

“Well pastor we are in a generation where marriage is overrated, integrity can mean anything you want and virginity is no longer a word in the dictionary except when we talk about Virgin airlines and virgin active. The world has moved on so we need to catch up to that other wise people will think we are prehistoric”.

Think again the pressure that is in the World today has always been there the fears the challenges on your value system etc the list goes on, the Bible says there is nothing new under the son, what was is and what is was. We are here at the Young Adults Couch to help you with answers to these questions and please note are solution are old fashioned but guess what so is sex, marriage and getting pregnant, getting a job buying and selling and taking a bath. These things are old fashioned but we still do them why should the other stuff change come on get real.

These topics that we will cover are based on some of the hot questions that I have queued up for addressing issues in your life. I have filed the questions and topics that have been on the top of the list for the past few years and now we are bringing them out to help you navigate life well and come out unscathed by the land mines. I have called this FAQ’s for the young adults couch. In case you do not know what FAQ’s are that is Frequently Asked Questions. I minister directly to about fifty young adults weekly of this platform and facebook and other social networks. The blogs are getting to thousands of young adults lives on a monthly basis not all call in personally to talk. I always think that God was thinking of me when He gave Mark Zuckerburg the idea for face book. So we are coming out clean and dealing with those matters that affect young adults lives. We will endeavor to be as practical and as real as possible. We will use scripture where possible but some things don’t have a black and white scripture to support it, like should I marry Sandra or Susan or should I work in an orphanage or a school.

QUESTION

What can we do to keep our relationship pure? Is it possible?

ANSWER

Well yes it is possible the Bible never requires you to do something that you cannot do. My first time to ever have sexual intercourse was on the 1^st of September nine years ago a day after our wedding wow it was awesome except that I could not find some things but that’s ok I have finally gotten round to knowing where they are. I felt it was sinful to read some verses in the bible that talked about sex, having been a youth leader and eventually a pastor to young people for so long our message was abstain abstain abstain until even I was scared of reading marriage books. I was extreme I suppose that why I was called Pastor Xtreme. But I learnt that you could focus your mind until it does the right thing.

QUESTION

Are there any steps we can take to protect ourselves from messing up?

ANSWER

Let me combine the answers with the previous question. Yes there are some steps you can follow that will safeguard you from making mistakes but the greatest tool you have is the resolve and the commitment that you will do the right thing. When the temperatures are high its easy to forget the steps its called “selective amnesia”. Here we go try these steps below

Make a covenant with your sweet heart that you will not violate each other by doing what you both agree to be out of bounds then make it with God and with yourself that you will keep things clean.

Agree with him/her to the standards that you will keep in the relationship. Then take the agreement and commit it to your mentor and be accountable to them with the relationship so that you can walk according to the set standards. That means giving frequent reports of all that is happening. My girlfriend then lived in a different city and when she visited I had to tell a friend of mine who is a pastor that she is coming she would stay with the couple and our visiting and events were monitored so I knew I would get asked difficult questions, so that kept me sober.

Did I want to sleep with her? Of course I did, she is a beautiful woman, did I get tempted yes I did but the mentor was scarier than the desire to sin. If you are courting someone you have no sexual attraction too there something wrong with you.

For the guys; Love her enough to respect her body and don’t you be pressing buttons because the machinery has no stop button. Avoid being alone in danger spots where there is no one watching

Value yourself enough to ensure you don't do any crazy stuff. Note that she is attractive to you sexually and that you are not made of metal you are made of spirit living in a physical body

To the ladies; have mercy on the brother and know that he is the weaker vessel (in this area) when going for dates don’t be overly sexual in your dress or you demeanor. Control the amount of sexual energy you release, as you will turn stuff on that will harass him for days. Avoid talking all the sloppy, crying stuff that makes him instinctively want to give you a shoulder to cry on coz he will give you more than a shoulder. And you will feel obligated to receive, there is nothing like a free lunch or shoulder for that matter.

For both carefully select your entertainment and ensure it’s clean. Flee all appearances of evil

Last question

Who is responsible for bringing up this topic and who manages the standards board?

Both of you but ultimately it’s the man he has already starting taking up the role of head of the home. It will not start automatically when there is a ring.

But hey have fun and love the Lord with all your heart, mind and strength and there will be little room for other stuff.