Should I share my treasures?

FAQ’s for young adults couch

The article I posted yesterday has stirred up some interest in similar areas and it has led to me having to post this blog now to answer a burning question that has been asked a number of times. If you did not see the article I posted yesterday read it, it will help you.

Question.

Pastor what is wrong with giving my boyfriend before we get married, we are already engaged and he has paid and he is known to my family?

Answer

I remember just after I made an appearance at my in-laws and we were now half married we were told we could take our wife as we had followed the necessary protocol. I don’t know whether that was a trick question or they were serious. To tell the truth the temptation to agree and drive away on a honey moon was great but I had two challenges in fact three. One I was a Pastor and still am. Two my team consisted of an uncle and my big brother and some pastors. I could have convinced the first two that I am married but the pastors were not going to hear any nonsense and third I was scared I had not been given the flying instructions so I would not know what to do. So I gave up the offer and we said we are Christians and we had to get the blessing before God and so on. Inside I was thinking there are Pastors here they can bless us that it. Well you might be saying pastor you are supposed to be holy. Well I am very holy trust me but I want to illustrate to you that if you do not have safety measures around you, you will get into trouble.

The answer to the question is simple the only time God looks at a sexual union and blesses it is when it is between husband and wife in a marriage that has been blessed before God.

Question

Why are the rules so tough we love each other and we desire each other sexually?

Answer

The power of marriage is in the covenant that is made between the two of you and that covenant is held together by trust. The moment you indulge in sexual intimacy you violate the trust factor and sooner or later there will be a problem. Pleasure without reasonability is dangerous and it will lead to compromise in the trust factor of you relationship. The pursuit of the man id based on the promise of the pleasure and the covenant that you are building and when you give him he will wonder why its free and he will wonder who else is getting and when you try and convince him that hey you are the only one, because trust is already compromised there will be a problem.

I teach my children that God has given you some treasures and they know exactly where those treasure are (if you need help to know them call me) then I teach them the treasure were given to you by God to look after them well and one day when you get married you will be able to give them to you spouse. So we talk about hide you treasures, look after your treasures etc. now if you take the treasures and share them before Christmas day when Christmas comes the treasures have already been open and there is no excitement and anticipation. Honeymoon is just like well whats new?

Worse if you have shared your treasures with more than one person. Think of this picture we go for lunch and we a soda the waiter brings it to the table and its open and you say who opened it? The waiter points to this tall rough bearded man on another table and says well he did and after a few sips he decided he did not want it so he ordered something else, but its ok he only took a few sips most of it is still in there we will reduce the price in fact you can have it on the house. What would you do? That might be you last visit to that restaurant. My wife and I can share a soda without thinking in fact when we go for dinner she always takes food from me and I take her juice. No pun intended. But we have no problem with that, but if you came and said I left this juice for you I will….

If we are so strict about juice how can we be slack about our treasures? God is very strict about matters of purity he says flee fornication. In fact there are four interesting things he says we must flee from, fornication, youthful lusts, idolatry and the wrong relationship with money. We will talk about these another day. But to flee is a strong word, God used it deliberately because that’s what we need to do. A perfect picture is Joseph who fled and left his cloak. He had an opportunity to sleep with Potiphers wife and no one would have known. The Bible says she was casting her eye on him. Now its easy for a woman to resist that but for a man it’s a different story that is why I say ladies have mercy on the guy wait to unleash your sexual energy at the honey moon.

There is a law called the law of diminishing returns. The more you get the more you want. Just being together gets boring, so you hold hands, then that gets boring then you cuddle then that not enough then you start heavy petting then that has no thrill then… whops how did that happen. They say when hearts are connected lips want to meet and of course the rest is history so guard against that.

Let me close with a story in 2^nd Samuel 13. We find a number of characters that I want to introduce to you. Absolom the proud vengeful prince, Amnon the lustful selfish prince, Tamar the beautiful attractive naive virgin princess, Jonadab the sneaky advisor and cousin, David the father with poor judgment and no attention to his children and the servants. The Bible says Amnon loved his sister Tamar and the word used here is not agape the God kind of love no its “aheb” which means he loved her or “had sexual affection towards” notice what made hive love her more or lust after her was the fact that she was a virgin. There is nothing wrong with the two of you have sexual affection for each other in fact if its not there is something wrong but what takes over board is if it is not controlled and governed which is what Amnon failed to do. He made himself sick from his lust and got advise from Jonadab.

Ladies please note there is a Jonadab in every man and all the brothers be careful of Jonadab he advises you to do all the wrong things. He says you can handle, just watch a little bit, just touch a little bit you can handle it. There are people that are dead because of Jonadab including Amnon because he was eventuality killed by the proud vengeful prince Absolom for raping their sister.

Here are some thoughts to consider. Why did the father not read through the lie and allow his daughter to fall pray to a lustful young man? Where was the brother when the sister went to cook for the half brother? Surely he knew that Amnon had issues. Why did Tamar agree to go in after Amnon had sent the servants out of the house? Why did Amnon not want to follow the advise given by his sister to say marry me then all the treasures will be your?

Well these are serious questions what do you think?

Last question

How can I say no without hurting his feelings?

Answer

Well you just say no and leave

There is no way to say with out hurting his feelings either in his heart or in other places but if you hurt his heart and his feelings he will respect you. If you hurt yours by submitting to him you will be hurt for life and you will loose your dignity. Which is better?

Well you asked me some questions so allow me to as you some. What are the answers to these questions I have asked you?

FAQ’s for young adults couch

Young in a strange generation

As a young adult have you ever felt overwhelmed by the world around you the speed at which things move and change, the questions about careers, marriage, relationships, money and sex? Well if your answer was yes then you are not alone. Statistics have it that this is the most difficult time to be young when it comes to dealing with the complexities of life and weaving your way around the jungle of making the right decisions. Of course you don't have to deal with plagues and barbaric raiders and other weird things like that. The challenges you deal with are spiritual, emotional and intellectual to mention a few.

You have to keep up with a fast paced world that redefines itself as fast as you can send an email across the globe. You can easily get caught up with the razzle and dazzle of this world that you forget about the principles that govern life. Homosexuality, lesbianism, immorality, corruption, greed, violence and so many other issues are plaguing us on every medium possible. As a young man growing up and aspiring to be a good husband one day the easy access to pornography and other illicit x-rated material does not make your choices any easier, as a young lady wanting to get ahead in your career and still have a great family you are faced with the continual pressures to compromise your values and personal value in order to get ahead.

How can I navigate this world full of landmines without blowing my integrity and loosing my virginity? How can I succeed without taking the shortcuts that others are taking?

“Well pastor we are in a generation where marriage is overrated, integrity can mean anything you want and virginity is no longer a word in the dictionary except when we talk about Virgin airlines and virgin active. The world has moved on so we need to catch up to that other wise people will think we are prehistoric”.

Think again the pressure that is in the World today has always been there the fears the challenges on your value system etc the list goes on, the Bible says there is nothing new under the son, what was is and what is was. We are here at the Young Adults Couch to help you with answers to these questions and please note are solution are old fashioned but guess what so is sex, marriage and getting pregnant, getting a job buying and selling and taking a bath. These things are old fashioned but we still do them why should the other stuff change come on get real.

These topics that we will cover are based on some of the hot questions that I have queued up for addressing issues in your life. I have filed the questions and topics that have been on the top of the list for the past few years and now we are bringing them out to help you navigate life well and come out unscathed by the land mines. I have called this FAQ’s for the young adults couch. In case you do not know what FAQ’s are that is Frequently Asked Questions. I minister directly to about fifty young adults weekly of this platform and facebook and other social networks. The blogs are getting to thousands of young adults lives on a monthly basis not all call in personally to talk. I always think that God was thinking of me when He gave Mark Zuckerburg the idea for face book. So we are coming out clean and dealing with those matters that affect young adults lives. We will endeavor to be as practical and as real as possible. We will use scripture where possible but some things don’t have a black and white scripture to support it, like should I marry Sandra or Susan or should I work in an orphanage or a school.

QUESTION

What can we do to keep our relationship pure? Is it possible?

ANSWER

Well yes it is possible the Bible never requires you to do something that you cannot do. My first time to ever have sexual intercourse was on the 1^st of September nine years ago a day after our wedding wow it was awesome except that I could not find some things but that’s ok I have finally gotten round to knowing where they are. I felt it was sinful to read some verses in the bible that talked about sex, having been a youth leader and eventually a pastor to young people for so long our message was abstain abstain abstain until even I was scared of reading marriage books. I was extreme I suppose that why I was called Pastor Xtreme. But I learnt that you could focus your mind until it does the right thing.

QUESTION

Are there any steps we can take to protect ourselves from messing up?

ANSWER

Let me combine the answers with the previous question. Yes there are some steps you can follow that will safeguard you from making mistakes but the greatest tool you have is the resolve and the commitment that you will do the right thing. When the temperatures are high its easy to forget the steps its called “selective amnesia”. Here we go try these steps below

Make a covenant with your sweet heart that you will not violate each other by doing what you both agree to be out of bounds then make it with God and with yourself that you will keep things clean.

Agree with him/her to the standards that you will keep in the relationship. Then take the agreement and commit it to your mentor and be accountable to them with the relationship so that you can walk according to the set standards. That means giving frequent reports of all that is happening. My girlfriend then lived in a different city and when she visited I had to tell a friend of mine who is a pastor that she is coming she would stay with the couple and our visiting and events were monitored so I knew I would get asked difficult questions, so that kept me sober.

Did I want to sleep with her? Of course I did, she is a beautiful woman, did I get tempted yes I did but the mentor was scarier than the desire to sin. If you are courting someone you have no sexual attraction too there something wrong with you.

For the guys; Love her enough to respect her body and don’t you be pressing buttons because the machinery has no stop button. Avoid being alone in danger spots where there is no one watching

Value yourself enough to ensure you don't do any crazy stuff. Note that she is attractive to you sexually and that you are not made of metal you are made of spirit living in a physical body

To the ladies; have mercy on the brother and know that he is the weaker vessel (in this area) when going for dates don’t be overly sexual in your dress or you demeanor. Control the amount of sexual energy you release, as you will turn stuff on that will harass him for days. Avoid talking all the sloppy, crying stuff that makes him instinctively want to give you a shoulder to cry on coz he will give you more than a shoulder. And you will feel obligated to receive, there is nothing like a free lunch or shoulder for that matter.

For both carefully select your entertainment and ensure it’s clean. Flee all appearances of evil

Last question

Who is responsible for bringing up this topic and who manages the standards board?

Both of you but ultimately it’s the man he has already starting taking up the role of head of the home. It will not start automatically when there is a ring.

But hey have fun and love the Lord with all your heart, mind and strength and there will be little room for other stuff.