Planned Success Part II

Hi because of the serious demand and need for more wisdom from the young adults, to know how to be more successful in life I have had to post this earlier is was going to appear next week. Thank you for all that read and sent their comments on the previous blog, I am so glad you were blessed. And wow all the orders for the manual I see you have been provoked to see you life and future differently. I am still processing the other requests so please give me time. By end of day today (02/12/11) all outstanding orders will have been processed. If you noticed what the module is doing is it immediately attacks you as a person and what you look like and if you are honest you will be able to see all the areas you need to work on. Every answer that is not satisfactory to you or your mentor is an area to work on so you might need to take note of that in your personal development plans for the next year and have a strategy.

An example on page 13 at the bottom is the question “Do you change your mind often? YES___NO___ Do you usually finish everything you begin? If you answer is yeas to question 1 and no to question 2 it immediately tells me you are a reed kind of person like Simon and not a Petros (rock) so you need a strategy on how to develop in you a strong consistent focus that follows through on assignments till complete. Did you know that most people with plans fail to succeed because they give up just when success is about to knock at the door? I have seen many young men give up when the girl was about to say yes, then she says maybe he was not serious when he was just nervous that she was taking long. The opposite is also true I have seen young ladies put in a great strategy to get a good man and just the right guy was about to make a hit she is seen going for lunch with this weird guy whom everybody knows is a player sex weeks later the guy got what he wanted the lady is left broken hearted say all men are the same. No their not I know some good men out there if you need a CV let me know. Lol.

Ok enough on the personal development module lets relook at the other tools mention last time and discuss them briefly and their importance to your success strategy.  Let me focus on four tools that are closely related and very important.

Your vision document

Your diary

Your calendar 

Your journal

You all know Proverbs 29 vs. 18 where there is no vision the people perish” that certainly sounds like someone is failing in life doesn’t it? Another translation says when people do not accept divine guidance they run wild. Ouch, does this sound like you? Of course you have never run wild in your life, relationships, career and finances you’ve got it all together. Well I have run wild before so I know what it means. It is much better to run your life by a vision not a crisis.

Your vision document tables your personal vision to the “T”, it helps you to see where you are going and how you are going and what you need to get there and what you will do to get there and of course who you want to go with. The vision document should help you to be focused on a destination though success is not a destination but the progressive realization of a worthwhile goal (its in the module, order now and Pastorxtreme@gmail.com) I am currently working on a tool that will assist you discover you personal vision and it will also assist in developing a vision corner. Wow where else can you get such powerful tools for free except at the Young adults couch. I know some people that go through courses worth as much as R5000 just to get the material you get on this blog. If you want to sow feel free to do that so you can eliminate the principle of valueless value. If you do not have a vision document that you are intimately acquainted with then you are in trouble talk t your mentor and sort that out immediately.

Your diary, calendar and journal are very related and very important but they are different. Growing up we used to abuse diaries. We would turn to the relevant page and right there what we did today. You would open a young persons diary and see something like this. 15 June 2011 Went to the shops and saw a pretty girl. She looks new in our area. Will investigate. Mom was angry when I got home because my room was a mess. I can see your smile, did you do that as well. Most of us are guilty. A diary is for planning the day and the week ahead in line with the vision. A calendar helps is to see the eagle view picture of the week month and year. We diarise the day so we can manage our time well, we journal the events that have been accomplished so we can see progress and review our performance we calendar events so we can plan our life better.

When you look at your calendar and diary it should be full of things that enhance the vision you have set for yourself. If you want to be a doctor and you calendar is full of soccer matches and pool parties then there is a problem. The secret of your success is hidden in your daily agenda, what you do daily and deliberately will determine where you end up. Wow I should say that again. Live a deliberate life not an accidental life. Do things because they were planned not just because they could be done. Proverbs 16 vs. 9 A mans heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps. Hey notice there must be a plan before the Lord can direct you. Have a vision and a strategy and then let God direct you even if it means He changes the plans totally.

When you look at the diary and calendar and you compare what you planned to do and what you actually did in your journal it will tell you whether you are making any headway in achieving what is in the vision document. Planned success is about setting out to succeed and putting out a path to make that happen and being diligent and accountable to follow through on that. You better make sure that you have these tools in your success kit. Fortunately these days you can get a four in one. The diary, journal, calendar and vision document are in tin the same thing with many other tool in there that are helpful like daily scripture readings and inspirational stories. Success thrives where there is inspiration. Well I got to stop here as this is a lot already. I will do a final blog on planned success as we look at the other tools that we did not look at.

As a special bonus I will continue the offer of the Success Paradigm 101 module until New Years Eve and I will also throw in some notes on how to plan your day well. These have been very helpful to me as I was taught to plan every day well. God bless you and live a life of planned success.

Pastor Xtreme

See you in the corridors of SUCCESS

Planned success

That is a strange title because there is nothing like accidental success. The very word success means there was a planned goal that was to be achieved. You may say they are people that were trying to do something and some how without knowing how they bumped into success. Well again there was a predetermined goal that was to be achieved the method was not known but the result was envisioned.

Anyway I said that to say this. If you are to see success in your life you must plan to be successful. I want to challenge you in this blog to have a clear plan for where you are going and what you want to achieve. As you look forward to 2012 you need to do it with the plan to succeed. Not just thoughts of success but also a strong desire that is followed through by action.

I have been doing a lot of teaching on success and I can confidently tell you that success comes by design and most people hope that things will just work out somehow. But I discovered that does not happen. You have to have a plan to succeed. In fact in the module I will offer you at the end of this blog I speak about how they say only about five percent of all people in the world will succeed in life. For me that's an appalling statistic. Why are so many people failing in life and so few succeeding?

Having done some research over the years I discovered the difference and that is why I am sharing this with you. I have a passion to see people succeed in life as a whole. I have created a number of tools that will help to get well on your way to living successfully. It’s like a carpenter going to do a job he needs a well-stocked tool kit in order to do a good job. You do not want to travel all the way to a sight and realize that you forgot to bring you drill so you drive all the way to the workshop and fetch the drill then you go back to the sight only to discover that you need the chisel so you drive all the way back to fetch on returning to the sight you discover to screws are too long. Ok you get the picture. As funny as that sounds this is how many people are living life.

What do we need to have in our successful life toolbox? Here is a list that I can give you as a start up kit for you.
1.    Your Bible
2.    Your journal
3.    Your writing tools
4.    You vision document
5.    Your diary
6.    Your yearly calendar
7.    Your personal development library
8.    Internet access (for research)
9.    Books, CD's and video material for motivation and inspiration
10.    Your will to win and succeed
11.    Pastorxtreme’s Success Paradigm 101 workbook

With these tools you can be successful in your life goals. If you do a search of people that you believe to be your role models of success

Your coach
Let me talk briefly about your coach. This is the person who walks with you through the process. He helps you chose and use the right tool to get the best results because they have walked the road. The rebuke when necessary, they correct, encourage, celebrate and even sympathize with you...) but their primary role is to bring the best out of you. Have you ever wondered why the coaches stand at the side during a match looking troubled and trying to communicate to their players on what to do? Well that's because the success of the team sends a big message on how good they are.... Success is a desirable thing. I have always wondered at the fuss of hiring and firing coaches that happens before and after world cup. It was until I discovered that your coach determines whether you win the cup or not. My question is ‘‘who is coaching you?''

There are a lot of good online coaching tools that will help you and I encourage you to be a regular visitor of some good web sites and blog’s that will help you in your walk of success.
Watch out for Part two of this blog I need to stop here, I will be explaining the other tools in the next blog. SO do not miss it. Before I go I want to offer you the manual for you personal development. Its R30 for a full printed version. This is just for production costs as a seed to you. Optionally I can email it to you and you have to print it for yourself. Email a request to pastorxtreme@gmail.com

Getting married

Getting married

Here is a blog for everyone who is single and searching. Getting a spouse is not as daunting as some would want us to believe it is. I want to give a few tips that will be helpful to you. To lay a few foundations allow me to say that I am a pastor and therefore my advice is biased towards a biblical worldview. I have heard some people say, “Well I really don’t need a man/woman I can remain single and I am happy. Wellll a few of those that say this are telling the truth. Most are trying to cover the hurt, shame and pain of being disappointed. Face up to it and tell yourself the truth “I need a husband/wife” God created us with a need for relationship and the most intimate relationship by Gods design is that between husband and wife.
  
Having said that the most basic foundational truth you need to have is that believers should marry believers and sinners should marry sinners because as God puts it. Can two walk together unless they are in agreement? You have to be on the same page. What are our values, beliefs and core principles that we will use to build our relationship? If you have too many differences you will have to work extra hard to make things work. On Sunday morning he wants to sleep in you want to go to church. On Saturday night she wants to go clubbing and you want to go for a men’s meeting but if you let her go alone you not sure what she will get up to. You want to tithe and your spouse wants to see a “sangoma” (witch doctor)

So when you search; search for someone who carries the things you carry or else you will putting out fires for a long time but if the ground is level it helps. Please do not believe that I am saying you will find someone you totally agree with its not possible. You grew up with your mom or your siblings but you hardly agree on a number of issues. So it’s not wise to look for someone you totally agree with, but let the major topics be clear.

But this issues the underlying scripture that will help you. Proverbs 18 vs. 22 he that finds a wife finds a good thing. (for further explanation on this check my blog with the same title in ''Married and loving it'' http://buildingagreatmarriage.blogspot.com/2011/08/discovering-your-spouse-part-1.html ) note marriage is about finding a good thing, something that promises pleasure and not pain. People never go out of their way to seek pain they are all looking for pleasure

This is the key finding a spouse (or being found) is about promising pleasure and not pain. There are no people that seek pain deliberately. If you want to be found be a promise of pleasure to someone. Pleasure speaks of the total package not just sex. There has to be pleasure in companionship, purpose, destiny, and intellectual compatibility, recreational pleasure. All these components are part of the package.

In the social networking and going out and events program be guaranteed that there is someone out there who is looking for the pleasure you potentially can offer so always have your best foot forward. This is not to say you advertise to all the people that are searching no. But the people you meet know someone that knows someone that could be the one. If for example you are one of those sisters with high standards and that's a good thing to have, you must not spread thwarted word that you are a source of pain all the guys share CV's and soon you will develop a reputation that will be hard to erase. Always communicate clearly and strongly to the wrong guys that you are not the one. But do not develop the wrong reputation.

Men are looking for pleasure and so are you but if you portray the wrong picture you will have to work twice as hard to regain your reputation.

It might sound crude to say it’s about a promise of pleasure especially in the church circles where pleasure is seen as a bad word. Interesting to note that 54% of all marriages end up in divorce and this sadly includes Christian marriages. When you look at the causes of divorce its often-centered around sex, money and communication problems. Distilled to their simplest form people divorce because there is no pleasure in the relationship, but there is pain. No pleasure from a resource perspective, companionship perspective or sexual perspective. So I want out because someone else or something else is promising me more pleasure. This obviously is often a lie but when in pain you never really make rational decisions you want out.

The solution is simple become a pleasure expert and you will have someone chasing you. Again let me emphasize that pleasure here is not limited to sexual pleasure but includes it. Don’t tell me you are getting married just because you need a prayer partner only. Some of you might never really pray together you want someone to enjoy life with.

By the way I need to close with this "Pleasure without responsibility is not good for you" When pleasure is given there must be responsibility otherwise you will produce a lot of illegitimate things. Sex outside of marriage is a disaster in many ways you need to avoid it at all costs. Do not give away pleasure without demanding commitment and responsibility you will be hurt and hurt others. Do not use it as a trap use it as a promise if there is commitment. Take every necessary step in developing the relationship in a way that communicates seriousness and commitment not just a pursuit of pleasure without the former.

The Young Adults Couch: Dating vs Courtship

The Young Adults Couch: Dating vs Courtship: Is there a better way? Love, sex, dating, courtship, broken hearts etc Hey what do you think about dating and courtship. I would like to o...

Dating vs Courtship

Is there a better way?

Love, sex, dating, courtship, broken hearts etc

Hey what do you think about dating and courtship. I would like to open a pandoras box and ask you to send you oppinion to this blog or to pastorxtreme@gmail.com In my next blog we will be discussing this interesting topic so we can get some clarity on what is the right thing to do. I know its one of those topic that can be thorny but lets deal with it. In the mean time I want to send you on a research trip to this link http://pastormark.tv/2011/10/26/dating-relating-and-fornicating and as yu read you will find some interesting stuff. Have you fallen into some traps? Do you think you have gone to far? Do you need help? Do you have questions? We thats why we are here the couch is for you as a young adult. We will not accuse you, threaten you or paint you black. If you have messed up the truth is you have messed up. Ane we will not apologize about that. But the greater truth is God knew we would mess up ad made prvision for forgineness and restoration.

If anyone is cought in a sin, you that are spiritual must restore him in humilty lest you yorself fall into the same trap. The sign of being mature and spiritual here is your ability to help and restore a brither or sister. Not your publication of how they have messed up. Some people seem the gift of discerning fornicators. Obviously there is no such gift in the Bible. But the prophetic can operate in this dimension. But if all you see is fornicators perhaps you need help also. 

We want to walk with you in the mine field of love romance and marriage. So come to the couch lets talk and build great mariaages that will be a blessing. Send your questions and comments on the above as we get ready to dialogue. I look forward to hearing from you.

By the way thank you so much for making this couch warm and comfortable by visiting it often. Lets be at home, let down your hair (if you have any) relax and lets grow together. Can I offer you something to drink?   

Personal Development is key

Discovering My GAPS

Hi trust you are well and growing in your personal life. One phrase that should be a common part of your vocabulary an is “Personal Development” A large chunk of your time as young adult should be taken up by an obsession to develop yourself in the key areas of your life, like Market place skills, social, skills, financial skills and personal development skills. This particular blog “The young Adults Couch” is designed with that in mind. I see the blog is getting more and more hits. I have received a lot of interesting responses from you and that’s been encouraging. I have also received a lot of requests to cover some other topics. Wow that’s a lot of work but I will get there. We want to cover as many key areas in your life as possible.

One important area that helped me as I went through my three-year leadership development program was the self-assessment test that helped me discover my GAPS. Giftings, Abilities, Potentials and Strengths. Knowing my GAPS helped me to know what areas I needed to work on most if I was to develop myself for effective leadership. When you know what you have you are able to make it work better and work for you. If you are ignorant of what you have and what your GAPS are you will not be effective in your life.

Work on your list of Gaps so you can discover the GAPS you are supposed to fill in life. Your assignment is a gap you are suppose to fill in this world. Perhaps your list of GAPS fits into the profile of the person who is going to discover the cure for HIV, or the person who will bring in the next great invention. Maybe your GAPS are just to help us run things better. I am gifted at encouraging people and I have envelope that ability until it has become a strength. The reason I blog is because I discovered I write very well though my style is more interactive talk on a personal level; I enjoy blogging it fulfills me. What are you willing to do even if you were not payed for it?

Take five minutes to answer the following questions. Fly over the questions do not think too deeply on them have a pen ready and write your answers as quickly as they come to mind

1. What giftings do I have?

2. What abilities have I acquired?

3. What potentials do I posses?

4. What are my strengths?

I had a great time doing this exercise it helped me locate myself, its amazing what you discover about yourself when you take a few minutes to think through some of these things. It would be useful to go through your answers again and take more thought to each answer you gave and ask questions like how accurate is this answer? Is this a strength I should posses, develop and focus on? What can I do now to make a potential a reality? What steps can I take to enhance this strength and make it more useful and productive?

If you are courageous you could even go to your mentor and get some input from them. We often find it difficult o have someone speak into our lives at a personal level because we feel they are attacking us, but it is healthy to have an independent auditor doing your books because their opinion will be more accurate. When they are done with the assessment sit and compare notes and discuss your findings. It will help you both to know what to focus your attention and energy on as you work at becoming the great person God ordained you to become.

Wow these are loaded questions and answering them puts you at an advantage to one who has not asked themselves these questions. One of the things that helped me was doing a personality assessment that helped me discover who I am and what are the benefits and consequences of being me. It was a kind of cost benefit analysis. It helped me know what I needed to confront and deal in my life and what I needed to celebrate and increase. If you can answer the question ''who am I?'' you have done well but better still ask the question ''who should I be'' but best of all ask ''who does He (God) say that I the son of man am?'' when you can answer these question you are one step closer to stepping into the greatness He has prepared for you.

Wisdom for successful living Part II

Wisdom for successful living part II

Mike Murdock teaches in his wisdom principles that information that is not retrievable is not useable. Wow that’s powerful, if you are going to be successful as a person you need to keep good records of your life. That talks about everything, your certificates, important documents, money, investments etc. This would also include what I call your vision corner. Do you have one? A place where you keep pictures of places you want to go, houses and cars you want to buy. A person you want to marry the income you want to have the business you want to start. How clear is your vision? Do you have a vision corner in your house, at you office or even on your computer? This will help you with the principle of visualization, which says you have to see it before you can pursue it and have faith for it.

Work towards order everyday until order is a habit. Mike also says a habit of order will take you to any future you desire. I like that, please note that most of us were not born into an orderly lifestyle we have to learn to be orderly. I am glad I have a wife who will not allow me to settle in disorder she insists that everything I do must be done well. We fight about parking the car straight and putting the shoes in the right place. She even demands to read the blog’ before I post them to make sure there are no typos and grammatical errors. So when you see disorder know I posted before she saw them and know I will get a lecture. But this has brought about greater fruitfulness in all I do. Order is a good thing. When God introduces us to himself in Genesis He was putting order into the planet. I encourage you to work at creating order in every area of your life.

God knew that for things to work well there has to be order and when He was done he assigned man to maintain order in the garden. Name the animals and make sure things function according to the set plan and man did that until there was disorder and the woman ate then he ate then we were all in trouble because things were out of order. When there is no order you will have a lot of frustration. Order is often defined as the profitable arrangement of things. Are you profiting in your life or there is loss. Loss of time trying to find your underwear, loss of time because you misfiled the reports that are needed at work. Loss of relationships because there is disorder in your life, you will attract a wife that is like you. Orderly people tend to run away from disorderly people. So if marriage does not seem to be happening check if there is disorder in your emotions, finances, planning, personal growth etc.

You need to do a check up on the order levels in your life. I have been working on this a lot of late because many things were out of order. I could tell there was disorder because the first indicator of disorder is lack, poverty and limitation. Proverbs 27 vs. 23-27 says be DILIGENT to know the state of your flock, look well to your herds then he tells us that riches do not last forever but if you do the above you will have enough wool for clothing, food and money to sustain your staff. So order is a good thing to have.

Consider this as you plan to put order in your life.
1.    Do I have a good diary to plan my day, week month year?
2.    Do I have a journal to chronicle all the important events of my life?
3.    Do I run a good budget? Keep receipts, plan in advance on my expenditure etc
4.    Do I manage my relationships well? (See previous blog)
5.    Do I invest sufficiently into my personal development?
6.    Is there some one walking me through all of this? Am I accountable?

Hope you learnt something, now go ahead and do it

Wisdom for living Successfully

Young adults couch

Wisdom for living successfully

Hi there its been a while since we've been together in the young adults couch. I have been busy with so much on my plate but I am back and I know we will have a great time. I have been doing my research however and I have all my info I need about young adults so you are sure to get value for money. Well its free but you will be empowered. I will endeavor to address the areas of need that stand out the most in the life of a young adult. So if you have questions you want addressed send them through and we will discuss them together and find some answers.

In the next few blog' I want to tackle the subject of ''Market place empowerment'' as you develop in life and come to the place of making decisions about careers, relationships, finances, success, marriage and so on; you begin to realize that there is a lot of decisions to make. This is a part of life and we all have to go through this stage. My real challenge with all this is we were never taught how to make decisions well. It always amazes me why the education system in Africa does not teach some of these important matters. They seem to teach things that make us good subjects, good workers and all the other smaller stuff, but never the important things like opening off shore investment accounts, how to change an unjust constitution. After all who wants Africans making good decisions and influencing the world?

I believe that the greatest thing our education system can do for us is to empower people to make a difference in life and I am not talking about tertiary education I am talking about primary and secondary school. I am talking about coming out of school with the necessary tools to make life work. Anyway lets talk to you now, what life decisions are you making in this season? Do you feel adequately equipped to make them? Are you living life by design or by accident? I discovered that most people are just living by chance hoping that somethings happens tomorrow to make things better. LIFE IS GOVERNED BY PRINCIPLES.

These are very important questions that every young adult needs to look at and give considerable time thinking through these. Failure to do so means you will never reach your full potential. I have always taught that the most outstanding ingredient in life that makes one stand out in life is vision. Proverbs says where there is no vision the people perish, another translation says where there is no divine guidance the people run wild. That sounds like what is going on. In other words vision is a means of receiving divine guidance. There is an inference that there is a blueprint or master plan for ones life. Success therefore is the ability to see perceive that plan and begin to act it out its the ability to fully live out all that is ordained for you. I teach people that if you can Perceive it you can conceive it and you can achieve it. Or what the mind can perceive it can conceive and it can achieve. If you have a viosion of it your mind can create a path to make it happen.

Your career, you relationships, your finances must therefore of necessity meet certain standards that God has set. Do not live below the God set standard endeavor to live life out to the full.  I was telling people that there are many people living below the BDL Blessing datum line. In order to do this you will need to be well connected to people that will enable you to do that. When you have a picture of the life that is to be lived the next thing you need is the necessary relationships that will bring into your life the knowledge, skills and information needed to make your vision a reality. John Maxwell teaches a law called the law of the inner circle ''Those closest to you determine the level of success'' can I pause here and encourage you to do a relationship inventory. This means you have to ask yourself these questions and take time to write the detailed answers; after giving thought to your answers you will find that you have what I call "relationship clutter".

That means there are some relationships that are not necessary and there are others that are being underutilized. We all tend to find it easier to spend time with the ''liability relationships" and not "investing" time into "asset relationship". I use these word deliberately because when you spend time its gone and when you invest time its an asset that will work for you later. We will talk more on this in a later blog. Let me close by giving you the questions you need to ask yourself.

1. Who are the top ten people in my life?
2. On a scale of 1-10 rate the relationship to see if the is good return on investment. In other words you say. John is my friend I invest four hours a week with him, what returns am I getting from this relationship. This sound technical and unfriendly well if you feel a relationship has no or little value you will not be committed to it. If you discover that it is a key relationship its value will appreciate and you will get more from it.
3. Are these relationships necessary?
4. Are these relationships adding to the vision in my heart?
5. What key areas in my life are not getting a consistent or sufficient supply of investment?

Look at each question deeply and honestly and your life will begin to change. The quality of life=quality of information knowledge)=quality of relationships. Remember the equations from school, I hated them but these ones are easier. You can put these together in any order and get standard results. Which part d you need to change? Let me leave it at that so you can buy the whole kit on building key relationship and dealing with relationship clutter.

Types of men

Types of men

Now that last post was hectic it got a lot of passionate responses at the young adults couch talk show. If you missed the last one make a date with the young adults. In this blog we are looking at the types of men out there. Do you have a profile of the kind of man you want to hook up with. I know the ladies are always more organized in this than the guys. From about three you hear young girls talk about getting married and having children while the guys are playing cops and robbers or deceiving themselves that they are batman or spider man.

Well believe it or not there are no super heroes with six packs out there that come and rescue you from the dragon or the robbers but there are real men that eat normal food that sleep and get angry but still can win your heart. So wake up and let’s deal with the real world as we prepare to get married.  Can I begin with the notes that I highlighted in the previous blog on types of women this will help you not get depressed that there is no hero waiting to sweep you off your feet.

Please note
1.    None of them are irredeemable you just have to know what you are dealing with, God can work on them and develop other components or characteristics that you like or want to see
2.    Some of these people can change if worked on and dealt with well. The Bible says husbands must deal with their wives with understanding if things are to work well for you. My wife often says honey you have a tough job in understanding me because sometimes I don’t understand myself
3.    Some people are actually looking for some of the characteristics that might be a put of to another (EG. A weak timid man might need a queen of spades or a slave master because he feels she will get things happening. Men from mom headed homes are often soft and tender like Jacob)
4.    You can find some of these attributes mixed up in different people in different measures and like a salad you can increase the cheese and reduce the tomatoes
5.    You will have to do a trade of and say I am willing to take this even if it looks incomplete according to my profile of a spouse but I know that we can work on it.
6.    You might need to look at the raw materials of some of the things you desire from a spouse but be willing to work on them, because some raw material is just that raw material
7.    Be willing to accept that some things will never change. That’s always tough for people to accept
You might find that you want a bit of Casanova in the guy and two ounces of a pastor and a heap of raging bull in him have an action plan on how you can make that a reality. These characteristics when managed right can work for the good of the relationship

1. The Casanova
This is the typical heart breaker, little or no commitment to the relationship or to the person
Has little regard for your feelings
Very romantic (He's your ''Romeo and Juliet'' type of man, he's got the words, style warmth that would melt your heart but he can be generous with his romance with others)
He moves faster than yesterday’s news, here today gone tomorrow caught the next beauty that came by
His charm always wins him a girl to show of as a prized possession

2. The Raging bull
Full of energy and moves at high speed
He enjoys himself and life always out and about doing something
He enjoys his looks ''six pack and all'' uses it for his advantage
Will often make the woman feel that she is lucky to have him (Marry had her eyes on me so you better be glad you got me)
Can be indifferent about your feelings, was never taught to be affectionate and tender
Can stomp on you and hurt you and not know what he did

3. The cowboy
He wants to drive the relationship (not as a leader but as a boss)
He has a whip as part of his tools and spurs on his boots When you don’t listen he will use his tools)
He makes things happen there is momentum in the relationship but it’s at his pace (you feel pushed and driven along on the journey)
Can have little or no regard for your feelings he wants to achieve things
Travels a lot can be away for long periods of time ''for the good of the family'' while neglecting the family
Not very consultative independent spirit will not notice you till he needs something
He loves himself, very self centered will make noise when ignored
Believes in hard work and delivery & 'results'

4. The promise keeper (The covenant man)
He is unemotional about things and very principled
He is not very romantic not good with words
He is faithful and there, often make good father
He is loving and mindful of you (remembers anniversaries and birthdays including the children’s)
Expects high level of commitment from partner
Very time conscious and cannot understand those that are sloppy in this area

5. The genius
He is sharp intelligent and creative
He is committed because he has no time or energy to start another relationship
He is shy and introverted he is a thinker not very social but can thrive in a creative think tank of like minded people
He recovers slowly when let down because he is very committed to the relationship
Not very good with personal grooming
Not very good at conversation and relationship building

6. The worker
He delivers amazing things. He can cook, clean and manage the home better than his wife.
He is faithful dependable and reliable
He is naïve he thinks the whole world is diligent like him
He is not very fun to be around, no humor or idle chitchat “we have work to do”

7. The Pastor
Very sweet and boring kind of guy
Very loving warm and understanding and compassionate
Committed to relationship but needs to learn fun and adventure and fun and re-creation. Understands covenant though very loyal
Can be very good at giving attention outside without realizing the neglect at home
Very encouraging and motivational but does little around the house.

So ladies which guy do you prefer, like they say one woman’s meat is another woman’s gossip (lol) You might also want to practice the salad principle a little of this and a little of that and a big dash of that, and can I have the bacon well done please. Well that often work but know that then men come standard and your prayer and strategy can grow the other areas.

Lets talk about this (Esclusive to the Young adults couch)

The Young Adults Couch: Types of women

The Young Adults Couch: Types of women: "Types of men & women in the world I was taught by the best and I had the privilege of knowing some important ingredients about the final s..." Know whats on the market before you go shopping

Types of women

Types of men & women in the world

I was taught by the best and I had the privilege of knowing some important ingredients about the final steps before you even consider whom to marry and I want to share with you in this blog. We had a blast at a talk show we hosted a few weeks back on what to look at as you prepare to get married. Have a laugh in this blog and discover yourself or your potential spouse and you do this review.

Part of preparing to get married means you have to know what you are getting into a relationship with because you do not want too many surprises. One too many surprises is too many so here is a rough guideline that will help you. My Dad Dr. Shana taught that there are certain types of women that you will meet out there and that you have to know how to handle them or else they will handle you. There are some ground rules to know before you read these notes other  wise you will freak out and say well that’s not me or he is not like that.

Please note

1. None of them are irredeemable you just have to know what you are dealing with, God can work on them and develop other components or characteristics that you like or want to see
2. Some of these people can change if worked on and dealt with well. The Bible says husbands must deal with their wives with understanding if things are to work well for you. My wife often says honey you have a tough job in understanding me because sometimes I don’t understand myself
3. Some people are actually looking for some of the characteristics that might be a put of to another (EG. A weak timid man might need a queen of spades or a slave master because he feels she will get things happening. Men from mom headed homes are often soft and tender like Jacob)
4. You can find some of these attributes mixed up in different people in different measures and like a salad you can increase the cheese and reduce the tomatoes
5. You will have to do a trade of and say I am willing to take this even if it looks incomplete according to my profile of a spouse but I know that we can work on it.
6. You might need to look at the raw materials of some of the things you desire from a spouse but be willing to work on them, because some raw material is just that raw material
7. Be willing to accept that some things will never change. That’s always tough for people to accept

Right here we the first type of woman

1. The competitor
She will try and show you off to her friends and prove that she has the better guy
When she leaves you she brings around the new guy to show you that I have a sub and I am fine without you. Showing off is key to her, as she feels good about it, it’s an ego booster
She holds on to you strongly in a bid to always have the right public appeal
She wants you t be amazing in your accomplishments so she can have something to talk about
She can be a strong motivator but a poor friend because her motives are often selfish

2. The Slave master
Control freak (She is in charge, where we go, who we see, color of the car we buy, how you dress) she can be called “The mother” (Someone with a compulsive desire to exert control over situations and people.)
You become a slave of love she makes you unhappy when she feels she is not in charge
She wants your world to revolve around her (Where were you? You didn’t call me, whose number is this?)
From a model of a domineering mother or fear of looking week
Or grew up in a mother/child headed home (no picture of a solid family)

3. The wounded shrew
Always communicating pain hurt to get attention and empathy
She makes you feel like the hero/doctor love (Oh ever since you came into my life I have been so happy)
Wants you to pay attention to her (I am going through so much)
She will even create a fight so she can get attention (You came late again I felt so unloved…)
Always needs love, when healed they create new wounds because they feed on the attention
They are demanding and difficult to get along with
They want your time space and attention all the time

4. The hiding beauty
She does not think/realize that she is beautiful
Or she might know she is beautiful and fears getting taken advantage of therefore she hides it (They feel people are just coming for her beauty)
They have confidence issues; they want to be complimented often so they feel loved
Thy can be a bit schizophrenic (I’m beautiful and I not sure if they see it, they see my beauty and will take advantage of me, maybe I am not beautiful enough)
They need snow whites mirror (the ugly which and the raving beauty are fighting)

5. The desperado
They are desperate to be loved
Any one can do just to get love; they flaunt themselves at men hoping for a catch
Will use sex to get attention will flaunt her sexuality to get love
Is very aggressive in pursuing the relationship. Once you show interest she will sink her claws deep into you and will not give up easily
(Guys are often scared of by desperate women they think if it’s this easy to get who else got?) Guys feel that the pursuit has got to have adventure in it “hard to get is often attractive to them

6. Flower in the wind
Blown about all over the place, not very stable and not very committed to the relationship
Is in the middle of the road about life “Well whatever”
If the lotto of love blows my way I will get a man.
Even when pursued she would rather not commit herself too much she is open to anything. This often serves to protect herself from the pain of rejection “Well I didn’t think it will last anyway”
She is sweet and loving though when she is caught
She is a high maintenance person you have to keep pursuing

7. Queen of spades
She says I love you but you don't deserve me. You have to work hard to qualify for her approval
“Dress like this do that go there” keep up appearances or you will pay
She is tough on the outside but often very soft and insecure inside. She needs the love and does not want to show it
She will place many demands that help her feel secure in your love by meeting them. When this is not done you will have a storm on your hands

The Young Adults Couch: How to get married

The Young Adults Couch: How to get married: "Steps to getting married There are many things that a occupying the minds of young adults but none boggles them like that of marriage. Wh..."

How to get married

Steps to getting married
 

There are many things that a occupying the minds of young adults but none boggles them like that of marriage. Who do I marry? What will it be like? Are they a virgin? Will they love me? Why should I bother about getting married? Well if you have had any of these questions in your mind at least once in the last two hours this blog is for you. I would like to help you as you navigate through the stormy waters of young adulthood. Having been there, done that, go the socks and all. I would like to be your friend and partner in going through these exciting times in your life. There is so much I have learnt over the years that I wish I had heard when I was a young adult and there is stuff I heard I wish I had listened to more closely.

Think of me as a friend and a tour guide as we sit together in “The young adults couch” and you are receiving final instructions as you embark on an amazing journey into life. I will share with you nuggets from the Word of God that will be both life changing and humorous. We will laugh together, cry together, pray together rejoice together we will study together and learn together and grow together. What I do know is when we are done you will be that much wiser than you are and all the more equipped to go on your journey never to remember me until we meet in the blog “Married and loving it” and “Financial revival”

Well lets get started and tackle our first subject. How to get married?  
In talking to many young adults I have come to learn that the difference between them getting married and remaining single is an attitude. Those that are not married and are dying to be, are an attitude away from getting into that special relationship. There are many wrong attitudes that I have seen in the lives of nubile young people listed below are some of the attitudes I have observed. Can I put a disclaimer here and say “Pastorxtreme is not responsible for any defamation or damage that may occur to any person while on this blog. Secondly please note that none of the words on this blog are targeted at any person known or unknown to myself or an relative known to me”
That was fun I’ve always wanted to say that.

Some wrong attitudes
1. Well he/she will have to like me the way I am
2. When the time comes it will happen he/she will come into my life and…
3. Let me be tough to him and see if he is serious
4. I must remain in prayer and he/she will come to me
5. I must to advertise extensively to get a catch

These are some of the attitude that I have seen in some people and they seem to remain there for a long time as opposed to short. Do you see yourself in any of those up there or should I list some more? A wrong attitude can put of even the right person. I have seen some young ladies act like porcupines when a young man begins to notice them. Whether he is the right one or not treat him right so you do not develop a bad reputation among the brothers and soon none of them will come close because they saw the holes in John. (Please note that there is an assumption that we are dealing with Christians here so the issue of worldly sister or brothers is not even considered)

Be clear about your position without being rude or nasty as the community that you are in is creating your CV for you. A wisdom principle says "The Company you keep determines who see’s you, and who see’s you determines who marries you” hang around the company you believe will potentially produce the kind of spouse you want to marry. While in that company focus on making yourself the best you can be as a person so that one day when he/looks at you something will register and say bone of my bone flesh of my flesh.

There is nothing wrong with being attractive to your potential partner; in fact you have to have some attraction if anything is going to happen. So look good guys, shave, deodorize, wash and iron the shirts, buy some breath mints learn to say “Hi my name is John” in that special way that will make her think of you later. Make an impression and remember the first impression last. Ladies dress well, do your hair nails, lashes and anything else that can be made except love. That should wait till you are married. Look good and feel good about yourself. Some people need a make over, loose some weight, get a new hairstyle, do a course open an email address. Hang around some place where you can be seen without making a big advert out of it. Have fun in life and let someone come and join you. Don’t expect someone to come and join your miserable life unless they have the gift of compassion.

I have listed below some of the things that you need to get as you prepare to cross over to the “Married and loving it” group. The Bible says in proverbs “Wisdom is the principle thing therefore get wisdom: in all you getting get understanding. If you get wisdom and understanding" with the same diligence you got to he mall to get an out fit or hair do or the same way you go to college to get a Diploma you will be successful in life. Here is a wisdom principle “Any problem you will ever face in life is a wisdom problem” and the Bible is a wisdom book in fact it the wisdom book. So get understanding and wisdom.

Here is some wisdom if you these things listed below you will also get a spouse. I hear a young lady saying “Well who says we all want to get married?” I know there are people that are gifted to remain single all their lives but often the ones that ask this question with an attitude are usually not gifted in singleness but pain and disappointment has caused them to become hard and cold and develop an attitude that is stopping even the sweetest man of God from walking into their lives. BE FREE IN JESUS NAME. Now receive it and go get these things and you will be fine.

Here is what you are to get
1. Get beautiful
2. Get anointed
3. Get connected
4. Get equipped
5. Get wisdom
6. Get diligent
7. Get mentored
8. Get some desire
9. Get fun and enjoyable
10. Get friendly 

Do you have all these in your shopping basket? 

Hey these look like hot topic that we can look at in the following blog. So get ready to have fun with these. Let me know what you think about what we covered and we will go on an amazing journey. May I suggest pink and burnt orange for your wedding colors. 

If you need ministry in a specific area please let us know and we will do all we can to help you. Yours in Christ Pastorxtreme

pastorxtreme@gmail.com

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