LORD I need a man!!!

LORD I need a man

Here is some fatherly advise to the ladies out there who are desperately looking for a man to ask for their hand in marriage. As I write this I am thinking 20 years ahead and preparing for the day my daughters bring a man home and introduce him as their boyfriend. No protocol with me so uncles I apologize I cannot relegate such an important event to culture and have someone stand in for me. I want to meet him myself and get a police clearance on him before he is introduced as a boyfriend, because by then it’s too late to convince her otherwise.

I will Google him and get the 411 in advance, in fact the moment I see you looking at my daughter I will start checking you out. Then I will ask for a CV then I will take you for steak to see if you have table manners and the decency to pay the bill and to sow a good seed to the waiter. My daughters will not marry bad mannered stingy men with a bad police report unless it’s been put under the blood. I have told my daughters that if a boy looks at you I will break his legs then pray for his healing then break them again until he gets the point. I have invested my life there so they deserve to be a married to a man who is better than me.

But while I went on this adventure in my mind I realized I have spiritual daughters in the church as well and asked what should my attitude be towards them and the men they want to marry. I realized that there is little difference if any at all and I should protect them as much as I would protect Hannah and Kharece. So this blog is for my daughters and daughters in law in other churches. Here are a few important steps to consider when looking for a man. (Remember this builds up from my other articles, how to get a man how to get a woman, Should I share my treasures etc. see blog archive)

‘I want a man I want to get married amen Lord’ a month later ‘a man Lord a man’ another month later any man Lord any man’ This sounds like a desperate woman. It is not easy to honestly agree and say yes I am desperate but the symptoms can be seen in either how you throw yourself at a man or how you abuse yourself and don’t dress well and send out signals that say I don’t care. Desperate women often want to give a boyfriend husbands privileges in the hope that he will become a husband this often leads to heart ache not marital bliss. I encourage you to lock it up and live according to the word of God and you will see the beauty of femininity at work.

Well if you are honest enough to locate where you are in your progression to marriage and see some of the wrong traits you can pause and adjust and get yourself beautiful again and you will be noticed.

Here we go what should you do when you notice the eye you are getting is now different and you see a keen interest in him for you?

Step one.        Check if you have a keen interest in him also and if he fits into your requirement

Step two.        Check if it feels good to you and to the Holy GHOST. You may not get a voice on this so follow the leading in your heart. In fact if you hear a voice it might be the guy trying to convince you that he is the one. Be sensitive to what the Holy Spirit will say to you walk in wisdom at all time. You are worth a good man in your life not just any man

Step three.     Get a sober third party involved (In the multitude of counselors…)

Step four.       Get a detailed CV. Key question being “Who are you and where are you going?” This is important because you better like where he is going coz you will be going there also.

Vision is everything let him talk and talk and talk you just listen and see if there is consistency, clarity and integrity in what he is saying. (It’s a mini polygraph test). Trust me a visionless man will not take you far he will want to take your clothes off and run.

That does not mean a man with a vision won’t want to take your cloths of I wanted to take my wife’s clothes of but there were too many Pastors around they would have asked what I was doing. But vision was more powerful than the temporary distraction of her attractive body. 

Perhaps you are saying wow this is too much work is it necessary? Well if someone came to you looking for a job would you just hire them without checking their background and references. Marriage is more important than getting a job particularly if you want to stay there for life and enjoy the trip.

Meet his family and friends they are a good indicator of what type of person he will be when married.

Step five.        Bring him in for an independent assessment with your dad. If you are my daughter I want to meet him and see if he will handle you well and if you will be able to handle him. Premarital ministry is not a cookie cutter process one size fits all. The principles don’t change but the application is relative the two of you and your backgrounds. There are something’s that need to be addressed before there are strong emotional commitments and before you have eaten to many of his lunches and you feel obligated to give yourself to something you will not enjoy. By the way that is another important point. Don’t eat too much of his stuff there is nothing like a free lunch. Pay for your meals sometimes don’t make him feel like the IMF. He will give you policy on how to run your life. Only when you dad walks you down the isle and hands you over can he now assume full responsibility.

Step six.          If he goes to a different church meet his Pastor and get to know them check if he is submitted, connected and serving the Lord well. An un-submitted man will demand submission from you when he does not understand what it means. (Commonly called a monster, I have seen women married to monsters)

Step seven.     Now that he has been thoroughly checked you can begin to fall in love. Walk with wisdom and remain in the safe eye of your covering. Emotions have a funny way of wanting to run things. They are like lips they have a funny way of finding each other.

Step eight.      Start making plans to get married.

Well hope that helped. Try not showing a man you are desperate because he will either get scared or run or he will take your clothes off. Never allow desperation to control you, it impairs vision.

What What do you think?

The first ingredient Honor

Finding the right guy

…Thank you Pastor. Well, I believe that a structured way of courtship will save us a lot of heartache. May we have guidance?...

Hello its been a while since I blogged I have been so busy writing books that its been a challenge to get to my regular blogging as I like to keep my blogs fresh, current and well researched. If you have not seen my book Success Paradigms 101 well… not sure what you been reading. Get it today do the personal assessment and see where you are in light of your success quotient go to www.success101.co.za you’ll enjoy it.

I am back with a bang and I would like to tackle some really hot topics in the next few months. For the young adults I want to look into courtship, dating and marriage, see the question above asked by one of our readers, very interesting question. Here is my disclaimer I am a Pastor and a success coach and this is an interesting mix because I am supposed to be relevant to all audiences. I am however a bible based minister and endeavor to give you Gods proven wisdom on the matters we discuss so don’t hate the Pastor just love the Word.

What do I look for in the guy that will sweep me of my feet? When should I be swept of my feet? Hey good questions, I am asked this question so many times and its amazing how many people get disappointed in relationships that get messed up simply because they ignore sound judgment in this area. This week I want to focus on helping the ladies, here is some wisdom that will help.

Think of this scripture in Proverbs 22:1 a good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold. Interesting God is telling you that you should look for good name more than great riches. How many of us look for comfort and financial security above a good name. Your first port of call should be the integrity and honor factor in the guy. Does he have a good name? This obviously is difficult to tell as there are some guys that should be given Grammy awards for acting.

How do I tell that he has honor? Will here are some clues

He has a good reputation in the community

He keeps promises

He honors and values you as a person (your thoughts, feelings and principles)

He handles his money well (Money tells a lot about what is in a persons heart) Jesus said where your treasure is that’s where your heart will be also.

He keeps his commitments

He does not lie (to you or to others)

He does not violate you by asking you to do what you are not happy to do

His words and actions communicate to you that you are valuable

The power of honor

Why make a fuss about honor over “handsome, cute, sexy, money” and the other things on your list? Well for start a man without honor is dangerous to all that are around because his words are empty. He promises and does not deliver the bible calls it clouds that bring no rain. The traits that most husbands demonstrate when the marriage goes south can often be picked up at an earlier stage of the relationship. Doing an assessment to locate where things are is a good way to begin

It is also important to note that a man without honor will cheat on you, as he will not be able to stay true to his promise or vow. What you translate to be security in marriage is when he delivers what he says he will. If words and action are not consistent you feel insecure whether it’s with the secretary or the messages on his cell phone or what happened to the R300 withdrawal. All this comes as a result of lack of honor in his life.

I know someone might argue and say well I want a Christian well I would not agree with you more but qualify “Christian” as that could mean many things. I see a lot of men that go to church and have no honor…

They don’t tithe

They don’t serve others

They consistently come late to church 

They do not worship in church

They do not pray

They are not connected or accountable

Pastor you are being hard, well am I really think of it this way he is a robber, liar, insubordinate person who has a low opinion of God. Does that look like good husband material to you? Look for a man who honors Gods word.

Most abusive men that I know are not accountable to anyone. In fact when men begin to flirt and have an affair you will see the above traits increase in their life.

Here is the good news a man who understands honor will carry the blessing on his life because his words have integrity he is not two faced. You cannot be lying to a person and expect your words to carry power in the realm of God. Going back to our scripture in Proverbs God is not against you having riches, silver and gold; no in fact he wants you to have it in abundance without sorrow. The result of honor is promotion, increase and wealth.

As I close its important that you be honorable as well because you attract who/what you are. Don’t be surprised when you discover that your boyfriend is cheating its your fault as much as it is his. Are you whole and well balanced?

Work on you and you will sooner or later attract him to manifest. Check your own honor level, where is it? Lets work on increasing it and you will see His goodness in your life be he that finds you finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord

Success Paradigms 101

Now you can get the wisdom of the blogs in a book format. Success Paradigms 101 is out. Thank you to the blog audience that helped make this book a reality. Visit www.pastortichonsuccess.com or www.success101.co.za or any of your favorite online book retailers and you can get it in kindle, format, e-book format, Nook book format, hardback and paperback.

Even you can succeed

Thank you so much for your help 

My big brother 'Average'

Below is a little excerpt of the book Success Paradigms 101 that I have just completed publishing and is ready for you to read. Have a look and see what you will enjoy when you purchase a copy. This is a perfect gift for your loved ones that will help them prepare for 2013. This is a timely book you can order a copy from https://www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=303624 or from me at www.success101.co.za and get a signed copy. As a follower of my blogs I am grateful to so many of you that encouraged me to write a book. Well I did with you help now lets read the book.

My Big Brother ‘Average’

I never cease to be amazed at the number of people I meet that have settled for an average life. Average has been made to be the standard. When one succeeds in their village (or a single area of specialisation), they feel like a world champion and cease to pursue bigger dreams, as if there is an intrinsic fear inside that prohibits them from stepping out of the comfort zone of the backyard. The mother throwing the small chick out of the nest of comfort births a bird’s ability to fly. Otherwise, the chick can easily settle for an average life in the nest – fed by the mother, never to discover the purpose of the feathered tools beside his body. When the mother pushes the chick away, it may appear cruel and heartless; however, it marks the beginning of the end to average.

David had older (and bigger) brothers that had settled into an average existence in the nation as members of an average army. The brothers pretended to be brave and strong towards yet they were cowardly and timid. The Bible says the Israeli army was ‘sore afraid’ (1 Sam. 17: 24). David’s brothers had settled into the army format, and they were comfortable with fighting without ambition. On the contrary, you need to make your mark on earth before you log out. We need to feel your existence in this planet. You were born for reason. Conformity is one of humanity’s greatest scourges – we all want to conform, fit in, and be acceptable (instead of profitable). Seemingly, on entering this world, life hands us a uniform printed at the back ‘My big brother is average’. This causes us to imagine only what we have seen and experienced and we settle for a life of conformity.

David’s brothers had settled into the army format and they were comfortable with fighting without ambition

Generally, in families, big brothers set the trend of what the family does. They dictate how far we can go in life. They define the boundaries. In this instance, big brothers are the things that teach us about life and how to handle the challenges that come into our lives. They become the stewards of the current reality that we live in. They tell us what is in the big city and how life in the big city is bad. But that is their experience, that is what they saw and they expect that we will also fit into that mould. I will deal with the big brother syndrome in greater detail later in the book.

Order you copy right now, you will be blessed.

Faith WORKS by LOVE

Hi I really felt the Lord speak strongly to me about this blog so I have allowed it to be longer than my unusual writings I encourage you to read this and share it with anyone you know who is going through some chronic problems. This will help them to walk out into a new place in the Lord.

Faith WORKS by LOVE

Another way to say the above phrase is LOVE WORKS. When agape (the unconditional love of God) love is at work in your life you will win all the time. Faith is the vehicle that helps you get stuff done in Gods realm and love is the fuel. We have a lot of believers that cannot walk in victory because they are not walking in love. The enemy goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour’ and we need to resist him steadfast in the faith. In other words you position in God and in His Word is your guarantee for victory over this guy who is like a roaring lion seeking to devour you. You need to make a decision whether you want to win or not, if the enemy can make you feel justified in your decision to not walk in love he will win over you.

Love covers a multitude of sins and if you chose to walk in love there will be no occasion for offense in your heart and your faith will work and get the desired results. The devil has deceived many people to thinking that church is a place where perfect people are waiting to go to heaven and when they discover that this is not true offense comes in and we fail to walk in love. The truth is church is a place where people with many weaknesses gather to be perfected by the ministry of the Word and of the Holy Spirit. He gave gifts unto men (Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors and Teachers) to work on the saints and equip them to be more like Christ in their conduct and lifestyle.

So church is not full of hypocrites like many have been made to believe it is made of it is made up of people whose sins have been forgiven and washed in the blood. So spiritually they are perfect and look like Jesus but naturally they are still dealing with the flesh that wants to do its own thing. Even Paul said there is a war in my members after the renewed man I want to do the right thing but the flesh wants to do something contrary. Was Paul a hypocrite? No he was human he was seeking to serve God and be a blessing to the nations just like you. Hebrews 12:12-24 brings out some interesting truth. The Holy Spirit through the Apostle Paul begins by advising us to strengthen the weak to make sure the body is strong then in verse 14 he exhorts us to “pursue peace with ALL people” and to live holy lives and warns that without these you will not see the Lord.

Then he warns us again on the state of our hearts towards each other, he says make sure you do not fall short of the grace of God by allowing bitterness to grow in your heart like a root that will blossom into a tree of death. Later in the chapter he tells us that we have come to Mount Zion the mountain of God the church and general assembly of the firstborn. He says these people are registered in heaven (citizens) spirits of just men that have been made perfect. Now this is deep, what he is saying is that your brother or sister that you are holding that grudge against is a just spirit whose name is registered in heaven. God loves him and accepts him as he is though he expects him to renew his mind and live a transformed life.

If God considers him just and has registered him as a citizen of Zion then what right do you have to be bitter against one that is forgiven. That is why we are encouraged to forgive even as God for Christ sake has forgiven you. If you don’t forgive other neither will you be forgiven. It’s not worth holding onto that thing, let it go forgive that person and you will be free. Faith works by love and love covers a multitude of sins. Notice verse 24 he mentions that Christ is the mediator of the new covenants and the blood sprinkled in this covenant totally deals with the sin issue. The blood that speaks of better terms and conditions than the blood of Able seals this covenant.

So lets go back to the beginning and see what that blood spoke about and what happened for the mess we are in to be this way.

          Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD.” And again, she bore his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

          Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?” And the LORD said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground. And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.”

           

(Genesis 4:1-12 ESV)

Notice that the offence or the problem started in church during offering time, the brothers were giving to the Lord and one made a mistake in his offering and became angry with his brother for pleasing God with his offering. Having been a Pastor for many years I have come to learn that people in church are at different levels of maturity. Some get offended at the way someone looks at them. The way she is looking at me says that I do not have money or they are despising me because I have no car or my hairstyle is old. Why are the rich people always closer to the pastor? How do you know they are rich or are thinking bad about you?

Cain and Able were brothers in every sense of the word but offense came in and destroyed the relationship. Did you notice what God said to Cain when the root of offense was still small. Why are you angry if you do well your offering will be accepted but if you don’t deal with this thing it will destroy you because sin is crouching at the door and its desire is for you and you must rule it. What God is saying here is so powerful, he is telling Cain and all mankind that when offence waits for you at the door it is out to kill you but you can rule it because I gave you that authority in Genesis 1:28 when I blessed you. Its up to you whether sin will overcome you on not, you are its master. Unfortunately He did not take heed to Gods words like many believers today, sin overpowered him and he killed his brother and the blood that was shed cried out for revenge and justice. The result was that Cain was separated and became a fugitive and the ground lost its ability to produce a full harvest, to get the same return on investment man had to work harder.

Do you realize that your failure to walk in love is hindering your progress, you tithing, offering, praying and serving God is not bringing to you the correct return on investment that it should because the root of bitterness like thorns and thistles in your garden choke your crop so it is with your walk with God. Ask yourself is it worth it holding onto this grudge you cost benefit analysis will tell you that you are holding onto something that has diminishing returns so sooner or later like Cain you will want to kill that person in fact holding onto the unforgiveness is equivalent wanting that person dead. That’s why the bible calls you a murderer if you hate your brother (1^st John 3:15)

Let go of the resentment, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred and malice that you are holding against your brother. Seek reconciliation and let God heal you, as much as lieth in you be at peace with all men. Read Romans 12:18-21 it will help you there are instruction on how to deal with this plague. Finally as an encouragement it has been proved that a lot of diseases are sponsored by offense and unforgiveness if you are able to deal with this you will overcome the devil and not be overcome. Listed below is a list of some of the diseases you will overcome.

High blood pressure

Migraine headaches

Stress

Chronic fatigue

Heart attacks

Heart failure and other heart diseases

Arthritis

Muscle and bone diseases

Chronic pain

Cancer

Depression

The list goes on and on. Research shows that unforgiveness results in stress in your body and when your body is in stress it produces a chemical called cortisol, which is a stress hormone behind a lot of the disease and dysfunction in the human body. The human body was never designed to carry unforgiveness we are made in the image and like ness of God and as such we should walk in love as God does. In fact they have also proved that forgiveness will boost your immune system. Over an extended period of time when one harbors bitterness and unforgiveness the production of cortisol will affect your heart and blood vessels thicken and restrict the flow of blood and headaches come in damage to the brain results and when your heart is weak and your brain is stressed all the other diseases come in. medically they have begun what they call forgiveness training where they train someone facing chronic or terminal disease to forgive and let go of their offenders and there has been wonderful results. 

The church has known this all along from Genesis 4 God told Cain when his countenance fell and anger set in that sin was waiting by the door and he had to master it (rule over it) failure to do so opened the door to mans life and disease became a normal part of life. When I was in high school I had four major problems 1. I was depressed and attempted to commit suicide about three times. 2. I was asthmatic and could not do physical sport. 3. I had migraine head aches that would affect my studying. 4. I was not as sharp as I should have been. The solution came when I came into a love relationship with Christ and I was able to forgive my father who at the time when I was in school was filing for divorce. My mother had looked like a victim of a bad marriage’ and she was but I became so angry that my father would do this to my mother that I was unforgiving for years.

The asthma left immediately the migraines disappeared the chronic depression left I have been joyful for 22 years.  My eyes were healed I stopped wearing spectacles and guess what my mind became so creative I have birthed some amazing things in my short lifetime. I have written so many resources that are helping people. I have authored a book and I have five books waiting to be published. This is all because I was able to forgive and move on.

What are you missing out on in life because you will not forgive, if doctors can coach patients to forgive and receive healing how much more the children of God? Look at this excerpt from an article I read by Dr. Bernie Seigel.

“I have collected 57 extremely well documented so-called cancer miracles. At a certain particular moment in time they decided that the anger and the depression were probably not the best way to go, since they had such little time left. And so they went from that to being loving, caring, no longer angry, no longer depressed, and able to talk to the people they loved. These 57 people had the same pattern. They gave up, totally, their anger, and they gave up, totally, their depression, by specifically a decision to do so. And at that point the tumors started to shrink.”

[Yale Medical School] 

The curse that came on Cain was reduced productivity of the land’ what would happen if you decided to walk in love? Your marriage, you job, career, business ministry or body would begin to yield more

A new study from Duke University Medical Center demonstrates that those who forgive others experience lower levels of chronic pain and less associated psychological problems like anger and depression than those who have not forgiven.

My Story Pastor

Interesting perspective

I could not have said this better than sister anonymous; her experience is such a great lesson for many young adults. Read learn and let me know what you think.

In response to " Are Christian guys boring to date"

Not at all. It’s been over a year that I’ve given my life to Christ and have made a few Christian friends and dated one.

Coming from the world and being a single mother it was very refreshing to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t require sex as part of the relationship.

I felt so loved and it amazed me how someone could genuinely display love without the physical element.

To me it was a little bit difficult in the beginning as I had my unbeliever mentality in terms of if I’m in a relationship sex is part of the package.

I appreciate what the brother did; he was very strict, as he had never had sexual intercourse before. He knew exactly where to draw the line and told me when to back off when it seemed i was getting too comfortable.

It was obvious that he was physically attracted to me however he didn’t need to show it physically by kissing or caressing it, I just felt it.

Being with a Christian brother is peaceful, if he is in a good church and serving God faithfully it automatically overflows into the relationship. He is faithful to u, accountable to you and caring.

I realized that he loved me so much that he wouldn’t sleep with me because he was protecting us and our separate relationships with God.

This is a great testimony. Many Christian ladies think they are missing out when they get a decent saved man who is not out to touch and taste. Hollywood told us that we are boring. I have a similar testimony the two ladies I dated before I met my wife told me I was boring and maybe I was in that I was always preaching praying and healing the sick because that’s what I saw in the Bible. I was so spiritual ladies in church used to say that if you marry brother Tich he will take you to a conference for your honeymoon. Well I did not see much wrong with that and I nearly did it.

But boring meant that I was not sexually oriented. Does that mean my body did not want to have sex with them? No not at all I just had values that I could not violate.

Let me know your story and we can share it.

Christians are boring to date?

Lets talk dating, courting, kissing and sex

Hey thank you for the responses sent on the blogs let me address some of the things that have come up as questions. I need to be clear to you that the Word of God is the best foundation for building your life. I have seen so many people hurting and going through so much pain because they never took heed to the Word of God. Let it be clear in you mind Hollywood does not love you; they did not die for you all they want is your money and your soul to go to hell. They ensure they depress enough people to sell anti depressants to and enough people with HIV to sell ARV’s enough divorces to say marriage does not work try our option of alternate lifestyles, the list goes on.

On the other hand God loves you so much He sent Jesus to die for you and paid the ultimate love price to show that His intentions are not malicious. The irony is that we believe the lie and reject truth, thinking God is trying to take away our fun in life. Anyway enough of that lets look at some responses.

“I am a young man who has found his other rib and has paid the bride price... me and my fiancée we have had our sexual moments and we both agreed to hold that till we get married now my challenge is how do I show her I love her without kissing her and ending up having sex... I have heard ladies saying that church guys are of no fun so please help me I don’t want to break our agreement of not having sex until we get married but now how do I make her feel loved?”

This is a big question in the minds of many young people and the answer is simple enough. For a guy showing me that you love me is give me sex and we often make the mistake of thinking that women think the same way. Sex to a woman is an expression of the closeness that you share particularly when the woman feels she can open up to you and be vulnerable. I was shocked when I got married and discovered that sex does not translate to love in my wife’s head. At this moment if you keep the promise you made to her you might communicate to her that you do live and value her more than any other act.

Secondly it is Hollywood that has painted the picture that the ideal “exciting relationship” is the one where every date ends up with the two of you tearing of your clothing and biting each other and you end up making love in the car, bed or some other strange place. This works in marriage but non-committal relationships leave you with a bad taste and guilt and heartache.

I highly recommend that courting couples avoid doing things that get your sexual gears going like touching, petting, caressing, smooching and extended high pressure hugs. Now if after you read this you say wow that has taken away all the fun things we can do then you are boring and your creativity is below sea level. There is more to love and marriage than sex, when you get married you will get very stuck and sex will have lost value to you. If the sexual pressure is high then set an earlier wedding date and get out of the danger zone. Sex kills creativity and proper discovery of each other as this will now cause you to be motivated to be together only for sex.

Remember you motivation is love for each other not that you are afraid of going to hell. I had opportunity to have sexual intercourse with my girlfriend then but the thought of messing up her life and value system and the thoughts that she would think that I just want her body not her helped me make some decisions that helped me. In counseling couples that have had sex before marriage and are about to get married we often say to the guy you need to apologize to your girlfriend because as the head you are supposed to protect her and by doing this you have violated trust and you need to build a strong trust foundation before she can totally open up to you without the same feeling of being taken for a ride. She goes through the relationship thinking, “I am just a pair of bums, thighs and breasts and I am a vagina. I am not a person but a toy to give him entertainment.” I had something to look forward to at our honeymoon and that made everything that much more special. Though I had a lot to learn I was so ignorant but that’s a topic for another day.

You need to talk to each other a define fun according to you and the Word of God. There is a reason why God said flee fornication and there are benefits. Its always a bit sad when we marry couples that have been doing it as there is no excitement to say “wow I am going to discover something new” its more like “well been there done that, got the empty condom packet to prove it”. A honeymoon should be filled with anticipation and anxiety, oh wow what will he think? What will I do? How will she respond? Too many times we have too much experience. This is one area where your CV should say no experience in this area.

Hope my language is not too strong for you if it is its ok we all need a shake up once in a while, but this is how we are in the young adults couch. Speaking the truth in love.

My second response is to a young lady with the following question.

Good evening Sir

Thank you for a lovely blog, it’s blessed me a lot.

Firstly can we define what courtship is?

As a sister, you are at a point in your life when you looking to settle down so you meet a lot of brothers and after getting to know them, u have an idea of who you would like to continue with from the circle of friends.

As a lady, I like to define everything in my life, so since dating isn’t really seen in the Christian society, there’s a gentleman whom I’m interested in and he is interested in me but we aren’t dating, we just friends so there’s not really any commitment towards us.

And then you find that this gentleman is going around having dates with other ladies as he is free to do so because the two of you are just friends.

It usually leaves a lady in a position where she is hurt.

Are there different stages between courting and engagement?

Wow this is deep my sister let me me begin by saying thank you for the comment about the blogs, its always good to know someone is being ministered to.

To answer you let me begin by defining courtship. This is the process of focusing your attention on a particular person and investing time in the relationship with the intent of establishing a meaningful marriage relationship.

In other words you find some one you have a keen interest in and you want to establish a relationship that will lead to marriage. You are not experimenting you are focused because he/she meets your requirements list and you feel confident that God is happy with your choice. This is not the stage of investigating basic info. Is he seeing someone else, is he a visionary person? Does he have a trustworthy character etc. this should have been done way before you even begin to settle on making room for him in your life.

Many people ladies in particular wait until late to get the 411 (vital info) and by the time they get it they are already getting dizzy with love (infatuation) that they cannot think straight. I hear this a lot “Pastor I am confused this guy is like this and that I love him but…” think of it you only attend interviews to jobs that you are comfortable with because you research on the company that’s about to hire you. Why not use the same sense when it comes to a lifetime commitment?

To avoid getting hurt control your hormones and emotions by speaking to them and keeping your head then when your info is clear let him into your space slowly, this is heart and emotion space not body space. This leads to the courtship, which again should be, build on trust and accountability. I tell my daughters don’t trust a guy who is not accountable and submitted somewhere, he will play you, hurt you chew you and spit you out and you are left to clean the sticky mess. Value yourself and carry yourself in a way that will make him value you. After all you are worth it, have you seen how beautiful you are?

As the courtship stage matures he should begin to take the relationship seriously and should introduce you to key people that will evaluate you and see where the two of you are headed and that’s about the time that he should ask you to marry him and engagement etc. engagement is a point in time during the process of courtship that he clearly makes his intentions known to you and the key people in your lives. If during the process of courtship he is not focused he needs counseling or to be kicked out of your life. This will be a trait that you will deal with in the marriage if its not sorted at the beginning.

Is it true Christian guys are boring to date? what do you want them to do to you? What's you ideal experience?