Should I share my treasures?

FAQ’s for young adults couch

The article I posted yesterday has stirred up some interest in similar areas and it has led to me having to post this blog now to answer a burning question that has been asked a number of times. If you did not see the article I posted yesterday read it, it will help you.

Question.

Pastor what is wrong with giving my boyfriend before we get married, we are already engaged and he has paid and he is known to my family?

Answer

I remember just after I made an appearance at my in-laws and we were now half married we were told we could take our wife as we had followed the necessary protocol. I don’t know whether that was a trick question or they were serious. To tell the truth the temptation to agree and drive away on a honey moon was great but I had two challenges in fact three. One I was a Pastor and still am. Two my team consisted of an uncle and my big brother and some pastors. I could have convinced the first two that I am married but the pastors were not going to hear any nonsense and third I was scared I had not been given the flying instructions so I would not know what to do. So I gave up the offer and we said we are Christians and we had to get the blessing before God and so on. Inside I was thinking there are Pastors here they can bless us that it. Well you might be saying pastor you are supposed to be holy. Well I am very holy trust me but I want to illustrate to you that if you do not have safety measures around you, you will get into trouble.

The answer to the question is simple the only time God looks at a sexual union and blesses it is when it is between husband and wife in a marriage that has been blessed before God.

Question

Why are the rules so tough we love each other and we desire each other sexually?

Answer

The power of marriage is in the covenant that is made between the two of you and that covenant is held together by trust. The moment you indulge in sexual intimacy you violate the trust factor and sooner or later there will be a problem. Pleasure without reasonability is dangerous and it will lead to compromise in the trust factor of you relationship. The pursuit of the man id based on the promise of the pleasure and the covenant that you are building and when you give him he will wonder why its free and he will wonder who else is getting and when you try and convince him that hey you are the only one, because trust is already compromised there will be a problem.

I teach my children that God has given you some treasures and they know exactly where those treasure are (if you need help to know them call me) then I teach them the treasure were given to you by God to look after them well and one day when you get married you will be able to give them to you spouse. So we talk about hide you treasures, look after your treasures etc. now if you take the treasures and share them before Christmas day when Christmas comes the treasures have already been open and there is no excitement and anticipation. Honeymoon is just like well whats new?

Worse if you have shared your treasures with more than one person. Think of this picture we go for lunch and we a soda the waiter brings it to the table and its open and you say who opened it? The waiter points to this tall rough bearded man on another table and says well he did and after a few sips he decided he did not want it so he ordered something else, but its ok he only took a few sips most of it is still in there we will reduce the price in fact you can have it on the house. What would you do? That might be you last visit to that restaurant. My wife and I can share a soda without thinking in fact when we go for dinner she always takes food from me and I take her juice. No pun intended. But we have no problem with that, but if you came and said I left this juice for you I will….

If we are so strict about juice how can we be slack about our treasures? God is very strict about matters of purity he says flee fornication. In fact there are four interesting things he says we must flee from, fornication, youthful lusts, idolatry and the wrong relationship with money. We will talk about these another day. But to flee is a strong word, God used it deliberately because that’s what we need to do. A perfect picture is Joseph who fled and left his cloak. He had an opportunity to sleep with Potiphers wife and no one would have known. The Bible says she was casting her eye on him. Now its easy for a woman to resist that but for a man it’s a different story that is why I say ladies have mercy on the guy wait to unleash your sexual energy at the honey moon.

There is a law called the law of diminishing returns. The more you get the more you want. Just being together gets boring, so you hold hands, then that gets boring then you cuddle then that not enough then you start heavy petting then that has no thrill then… whops how did that happen. They say when hearts are connected lips want to meet and of course the rest is history so guard against that.

Let me close with a story in 2^nd Samuel 13. We find a number of characters that I want to introduce to you. Absolom the proud vengeful prince, Amnon the lustful selfish prince, Tamar the beautiful attractive naive virgin princess, Jonadab the sneaky advisor and cousin, David the father with poor judgment and no attention to his children and the servants. The Bible says Amnon loved his sister Tamar and the word used here is not agape the God kind of love no its “aheb” which means he loved her or “had sexual affection towards” notice what made hive love her more or lust after her was the fact that she was a virgin. There is nothing wrong with the two of you have sexual affection for each other in fact if its not there is something wrong but what takes over board is if it is not controlled and governed which is what Amnon failed to do. He made himself sick from his lust and got advise from Jonadab.

Ladies please note there is a Jonadab in every man and all the brothers be careful of Jonadab he advises you to do all the wrong things. He says you can handle, just watch a little bit, just touch a little bit you can handle it. There are people that are dead because of Jonadab including Amnon because he was eventuality killed by the proud vengeful prince Absolom for raping their sister.

Here are some thoughts to consider. Why did the father not read through the lie and allow his daughter to fall pray to a lustful young man? Where was the brother when the sister went to cook for the half brother? Surely he knew that Amnon had issues. Why did Tamar agree to go in after Amnon had sent the servants out of the house? Why did Amnon not want to follow the advise given by his sister to say marry me then all the treasures will be your?

Well these are serious questions what do you think?

Last question

How can I say no without hurting his feelings?

Answer

Well you just say no and leave

There is no way to say with out hurting his feelings either in his heart or in other places but if you hurt his heart and his feelings he will respect you. If you hurt yours by submitting to him you will be hurt for life and you will loose your dignity. Which is better?

Well you asked me some questions so allow me to as you some. What are the answers to these questions I have asked you?