Fathers and daughters

Lord I know how to get a man!

Where you are determines who see’s you…

As a follow up to the last blog that has stirred up a lot of interesting response and many have been encouraged. I was for the ladies but it seems a lot of men read it. We this one will help you to position yourself for the man of God that is prepared for you. I encourage you to read the whole of Genesis 24 but specifically the verses below.

Genesis 24:14 And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at the time of evening, the time when women go out to draw water. 12 And he said, “O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. 13 Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. 14 Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.” 15 Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, came out with her water jar on her shoulder. 16 The young woman was very attractive in appearance, a maiden whom no man had known. She went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up. 17 Then the servant ran to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water to drink from your jar.”18 She said, “Drink, my lord.” And she quickly let down her jar upon her hand and gave him a drink. 19 When she had finished giving him a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.” 20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels. 21 The man gazed at her in silence to learn whether the Lord had prospered his journey or not.

22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel, and two bracelets for her arms weighing ten gold shekels, 23 and said, “Please tell me whose daughter you are. Is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?” 24 She said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor.”

This is an interesting passage of scripture that graphically brings out my point in this blog. Where you are determines who see’s you, so if you are going to get a good man you better be around some good men. If you are hanging around some thugs and thieves you will end up being like them and marrying one of them. If you hang around some players and cheats guess who you will see and who will see you? The principle of company cannot be violated if you are to succeed not just in marriage but in all areas. The book of Proverbs says he that finds a wife finds a good thing… you have to finable and worth finding, you also have to position yourself to be found by the right person by being in the right place.

If you are going to hang around your room wearing your pajamas with your hair in a net you better be ready for advanced spinsterhood. But if you are ready to step into your meaningful relationship then read on. I want to briefly share from extracts from one of my books that will be coming out in 2014 “Mamma I got me a man!” God spoke to me a few years ago and gave me 25 principles that are guaranteed to help you get yourself a ma that will marry you. My wife and I will do a seminar and share these principles as we launch the book so get ready for it.

Please notice that when Eliezer prayed God answered with the arrival of Rebekah who was the appointed woman for Isaac (See verse 14). To see success in this area that is key to your success in life there must be some prayer going on. Listen to the voice of the Lord and obey. I know there is a lot of controversy about whether there is a “right person” for each person to marry, my focus is not to argue that one here we discuss that in the book however if you can pray about a job, a car or a house and God leads you to the right one surely He can lead me to the right man or lead the right man to me. This is a good place to lift up those manicured hands and shout, “He’s on the way, and my greatest blessing ever is at hand today”

Remember Rebekah just got up and was busy about her fathers business as usual but this day was not like other days, she was in for a pleasant surprise. If she had not providentially gone to the well that day she could have slowed down or hindered perhaps even lost her blessing to another. Being by the well at that time was the best place for her on that day and the rest is history.

I want you to notice that when she arrived she did not pull up her skirt a little and drop her top (We have a lot of drop tops these days) Perhaps that’s a joke men would understand as women don’t know much about cars. She got busy serving; the helper that she was naturally manifested and that got her the place in the history books. After serving so well she is given lots of gold; 15 and a half shekels to be specific. Wow here is something you determine your value by what you do with yourself. Don’t wait for someone to determine what you are worth. The gold released here was only a small part of the treasure that was carried on nine camels.

Notice the little word “quickly” that appears in verse 18 and 20, she was quick to serve and this opened the door for her miracle as Eliezer was observing her every action. By the way Eliezer is a type of the Holy Spirit. Her diligence causes the big question to be asked, “Whose daughter are you?” Check Ruth chapter two Boaz asked whose damsel is that? You got to make heads turn girl, you can do it too.

She had these amazing qualities that perhaps you need to check if you have them

She was attractive

She was a virgin (Purity)

She was responsive to needs

She was hard working

She understood honor

She was under a covering

She was humble

My list might be intimidating because you think there are two or three things that you don’t possess. Well you can work on them now and get them sorted until you score seven out of seven.

Because this is a blog I have to stop get my book and learn more all I wanted to say was where you are determines who see’s you. God had to bring my wife 450km to a little town to position her so that I could see her. But God had to position me in the spirit so that I could see her. Guys I will get you on the next one when I write, “Guess what I saw”

Bottom line she got married and so will you.

LORD I need a man!!!

LORD I need a man

Here is some fatherly advise to the ladies out there who are desperately looking for a man to ask for their hand in marriage. As I write this I am thinking 20 years ahead and preparing for the day my daughters bring a man home and introduce him as their boyfriend. No protocol with me so uncles I apologize I cannot relegate such an important event to culture and have someone stand in for me. I want to meet him myself and get a police clearance on him before he is introduced as a boyfriend, because by then it’s too late to convince her otherwise.

I will Google him and get the 411 in advance, in fact the moment I see you looking at my daughter I will start checking you out. Then I will ask for a CV then I will take you for steak to see if you have table manners and the decency to pay the bill and to sow a good seed to the waiter. My daughters will not marry bad mannered stingy men with a bad police report unless it’s been put under the blood. I have told my daughters that if a boy looks at you I will break his legs then pray for his healing then break them again until he gets the point. I have invested my life there so they deserve to be a married to a man who is better than me.

But while I went on this adventure in my mind I realized I have spiritual daughters in the church as well and asked what should my attitude be towards them and the men they want to marry. I realized that there is little difference if any at all and I should protect them as much as I would protect Hannah and Kharece. So this blog is for my daughters and daughters in law in other churches. Here are a few important steps to consider when looking for a man. (Remember this builds up from my other articles, how to get a man how to get a woman, Should I share my treasures etc. see blog archive)

‘I want a man I want to get married amen Lord’ a month later ‘a man Lord a man’ another month later any man Lord any man’ This sounds like a desperate woman. It is not easy to honestly agree and say yes I am desperate but the symptoms can be seen in either how you throw yourself at a man or how you abuse yourself and don’t dress well and send out signals that say I don’t care. Desperate women often want to give a boyfriend husbands privileges in the hope that he will become a husband this often leads to heart ache not marital bliss. I encourage you to lock it up and live according to the word of God and you will see the beauty of femininity at work.

Well if you are honest enough to locate where you are in your progression to marriage and see some of the wrong traits you can pause and adjust and get yourself beautiful again and you will be noticed.

Here we go what should you do when you notice the eye you are getting is now different and you see a keen interest in him for you?

Step one.        Check if you have a keen interest in him also and if he fits into your requirement

Step two.        Check if it feels good to you and to the Holy GHOST. You may not get a voice on this so follow the leading in your heart. In fact if you hear a voice it might be the guy trying to convince you that he is the one. Be sensitive to what the Holy Spirit will say to you walk in wisdom at all time. You are worth a good man in your life not just any man

Step three.     Get a sober third party involved (In the multitude of counselors…)

Step four.       Get a detailed CV. Key question being “Who are you and where are you going?” This is important because you better like where he is going coz you will be going there also.

Vision is everything let him talk and talk and talk you just listen and see if there is consistency, clarity and integrity in what he is saying. (It’s a mini polygraph test). Trust me a visionless man will not take you far he will want to take your clothes off and run.

That does not mean a man with a vision won’t want to take your cloths of I wanted to take my wife’s clothes of but there were too many Pastors around they would have asked what I was doing. But vision was more powerful than the temporary distraction of her attractive body. 

Perhaps you are saying wow this is too much work is it necessary? Well if someone came to you looking for a job would you just hire them without checking their background and references. Marriage is more important than getting a job particularly if you want to stay there for life and enjoy the trip.

Meet his family and friends they are a good indicator of what type of person he will be when married.

Step five.        Bring him in for an independent assessment with your dad. If you are my daughter I want to meet him and see if he will handle you well and if you will be able to handle him. Premarital ministry is not a cookie cutter process one size fits all. The principles don’t change but the application is relative the two of you and your backgrounds. There are something’s that need to be addressed before there are strong emotional commitments and before you have eaten to many of his lunches and you feel obligated to give yourself to something you will not enjoy. By the way that is another important point. Don’t eat too much of his stuff there is nothing like a free lunch. Pay for your meals sometimes don’t make him feel like the IMF. He will give you policy on how to run your life. Only when you dad walks you down the isle and hands you over can he now assume full responsibility.

Step six.          If he goes to a different church meet his Pastor and get to know them check if he is submitted, connected and serving the Lord well. An un-submitted man will demand submission from you when he does not understand what it means. (Commonly called a monster, I have seen women married to monsters)

Step seven.     Now that he has been thoroughly checked you can begin to fall in love. Walk with wisdom and remain in the safe eye of your covering. Emotions have a funny way of wanting to run things. They are like lips they have a funny way of finding each other.

Step eight.      Start making plans to get married.

Well hope that helped. Try not showing a man you are desperate because he will either get scared or run or he will take your clothes off. Never allow desperation to control you, it impairs vision.

What What do you think?

The first ingredient Honor

Finding the right guy

…Thank you Pastor. Well, I believe that a structured way of courtship will save us a lot of heartache. May we have guidance?...

Hello its been a while since I blogged I have been so busy writing books that its been a challenge to get to my regular blogging as I like to keep my blogs fresh, current and well researched. If you have not seen my book Success Paradigms 101 well… not sure what you been reading. Get it today do the personal assessment and see where you are in light of your success quotient go to www.success101.co.za you’ll enjoy it.

I am back with a bang and I would like to tackle some really hot topics in the next few months. For the young adults I want to look into courtship, dating and marriage, see the question above asked by one of our readers, very interesting question. Here is my disclaimer I am a Pastor and a success coach and this is an interesting mix because I am supposed to be relevant to all audiences. I am however a bible based minister and endeavor to give you Gods proven wisdom on the matters we discuss so don’t hate the Pastor just love the Word.

What do I look for in the guy that will sweep me of my feet? When should I be swept of my feet? Hey good questions, I am asked this question so many times and its amazing how many people get disappointed in relationships that get messed up simply because they ignore sound judgment in this area. This week I want to focus on helping the ladies, here is some wisdom that will help.

Think of this scripture in Proverbs 22:1 a good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold. Interesting God is telling you that you should look for good name more than great riches. How many of us look for comfort and financial security above a good name. Your first port of call should be the integrity and honor factor in the guy. Does he have a good name? This obviously is difficult to tell as there are some guys that should be given Grammy awards for acting.

How do I tell that he has honor? Will here are some clues

He has a good reputation in the community

He keeps promises

He honors and values you as a person (your thoughts, feelings and principles)

He handles his money well (Money tells a lot about what is in a persons heart) Jesus said where your treasure is that’s where your heart will be also.

He keeps his commitments

He does not lie (to you or to others)

He does not violate you by asking you to do what you are not happy to do

His words and actions communicate to you that you are valuable

The power of honor

Why make a fuss about honor over “handsome, cute, sexy, money” and the other things on your list? Well for start a man without honor is dangerous to all that are around because his words are empty. He promises and does not deliver the bible calls it clouds that bring no rain. The traits that most husbands demonstrate when the marriage goes south can often be picked up at an earlier stage of the relationship. Doing an assessment to locate where things are is a good way to begin

It is also important to note that a man without honor will cheat on you, as he will not be able to stay true to his promise or vow. What you translate to be security in marriage is when he delivers what he says he will. If words and action are not consistent you feel insecure whether it’s with the secretary or the messages on his cell phone or what happened to the R300 withdrawal. All this comes as a result of lack of honor in his life.

I know someone might argue and say well I want a Christian well I would not agree with you more but qualify “Christian” as that could mean many things. I see a lot of men that go to church and have no honor…

They don’t tithe

They don’t serve others

They consistently come late to church 

They do not worship in church

They do not pray

They are not connected or accountable

Pastor you are being hard, well am I really think of it this way he is a robber, liar, insubordinate person who has a low opinion of God. Does that look like good husband material to you? Look for a man who honors Gods word.

Most abusive men that I know are not accountable to anyone. In fact when men begin to flirt and have an affair you will see the above traits increase in their life.

Here is the good news a man who understands honor will carry the blessing on his life because his words have integrity he is not two faced. You cannot be lying to a person and expect your words to carry power in the realm of God. Going back to our scripture in Proverbs God is not against you having riches, silver and gold; no in fact he wants you to have it in abundance without sorrow. The result of honor is promotion, increase and wealth.

As I close its important that you be honorable as well because you attract who/what you are. Don’t be surprised when you discover that your boyfriend is cheating its your fault as much as it is his. Are you whole and well balanced?

Work on you and you will sooner or later attract him to manifest. Check your own honor level, where is it? Lets work on increasing it and you will see His goodness in your life be he that finds you finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord